Blogging soon.

I swear. Previous trusty laptop critically injured in terrible DSL installation accident, newly acquired laptop not yet up to speed. Updates soon. Mini reviews:

Sky Captain -- Loved it. Literally slack-jawed in amazement at times. Kept waiting for the evil queen Tika to show up.
Exorcist: the Beginning -- Beginning to wonder how many errors in judgment Stellan Skarsgaard can afford. Opinion of Renny Harlin confirmed.
Hero -- Crouching Pinhead, Hidden Moron. Or maybe I just hate watching the same events unfold four times in different colors.

Time Warner is run by cocksuckers.

Just thought I'd mention it.

To clarify: I'm talking specifically about the cable service. But that assessment is probably good through the top levels.

Take one week of vacation and all hell breaks loose.

More like ten days, really, but that was definitely the wrong week to be out of the loop. While I was developing a nasty allergic reaction to something in the North Carolina air, Dan Rather and CBS spent most of last week building a bonfire out of what was left of their "Tiffany Network" credentials over a group of obviously faked memos from the 70s purporting to cast doubts on Bush's Air National Guard service.* I knew Gunga Dan was a bear of very little brain, but holy crow, what an idiot. The sheer wanton hubris of thinking his reportage is beyond fact-checking by the masses (congratulations to the Freepers and Powerline blog for starting the dogpile) is breathtaking enough; the idiotic defense he subsequently mounted earns him a one-way ticket to Palookaville. I'm only sorry there's no way to tie Walter Cronkite around his neck and cast them both into whatever concentric circle of hell is reserved for abusers of the public trust.

*I gathered most of my own info regarding memogate via Ace of Spades and Allah, who covered everything exhaustively. It would be pointless for me to reproduce their work, so go thou and do likewise.

Bring me the head of Saddam Hussein.

The head from a damaged statue of Saddam Hussein is on display at the Kentucky State Fair, piquing the curiosity of many tourists but angering some who say it's in poor taste.

Alongside the glass-encased bust is a small Iraqi flag and description of how soldiers captured the statue. The display also includes photographs of the intact statue and tank fire striking it.

Sweet.

The bust was first shown for Independence Day at the George S. Patton Museum of Cavalry and Armor at Fort Knox, and will return there after the fair.

Note to self: add Patton Museum to the tour list, along with the Frazier Arms Museum downtown in Louisville.

Now for the dumb shit:

Francene Cucinello, a Louisville talk-radio host, said a state fair is not the appropriate place for a war relic "that represents so many American and Iraqi deaths in the quest for freedom."

"A museum has the reverence that's necessary. It's too important to have on display at a fair," said Cucinello, who said her callers are about evenly split on the issue.

Nonsense. Who the hell even knew about the existence of the Patton museum? Bring the story to the people. Let them marvel. Remind them what we're doing over there and that we won the damn war. Reverence is vastly overrated.

"How would we feel if another country was gloating over its wartime successes? America's too good for that," she said.

I'd say that depends on the gloater and the war. If it's Britain gloating over Bonaparte or any of the Allied powers gloating over Germany and Japan, I'm very much on board with that. As for whether America is "too good" to gloat over military successes, perhaps we should stop celebrating Independence Day out of consideration for the feelings of the British.

[From Angela, who saw the item in question today. She recommends the deep-fried Oreos if you're going to the fair.]

Note to John McCain

...who I'm pretty sure doesn't read this blog: You're about thisclose to being in one of the highly ironic MoveOn.Org anti-SwiftVets ads, buckaroo. John Kerry's service in Vietnam is a legitimate topic of discussion due to the fact that John Kerry has made it the centerpiece of his campaign (in fact, it constitutes pretty much the entire scope of his campaign.) That makes every public utterance he's ever made on the topic subject to intense scrutiny and public debate, and rightly so. I find the idea that you think it shouldn't be more than a bit disturbing, in terms of free speech and the vigorous exercise thereof.

Unusual injury log.

Inadvertently stabbed self in leg with frozen meat yesterday. Top that.

The sink is a dead giveaway.

Withnail alive and well in NYC, living under the pseudonym Mike Toole, apparently.

I'd like to dedicate this post to Bernadine.

Because injuries caused by really stupid behavior make her laugh. Hard.

The setup: "Jackass Contest", Virginia Beach.

The prize: a trip to Mexico.

The winning strategy:

The winner, who has not been identified, told police that the staples had been applied by the Chicho’s crowd, which had passed around a stapler and shot him at random as he walked through the bar.

At one point, he told police, his testicles had been stapled to his stomach.

“We didn’t confirm that,” Santos said. “I didn’t want to pursue that part of it.”

The man had several slice marks on his side, which were the result of paper cuts or caning, Santos said.

The man also told police he’d snorted hot sauce and salt, broken a beer bottle over his head and swallowed and vomited up a live goldfish.

Throughout the interview, the man repeatedly apologized for reeking of urine, Santos said.

He said one part of the contest had involved his lying on the men’s bathroom floor and making “snow angels.”

The man also had lost the use of his left arm, which Santos said hung at his chest in a sling fashioned from a pair of women’s underwear.

“He did a back flip off the bar and didn’t make it,” Santos said.

Despite his injuries, the man told police that he was proud that he’d won the trip to Mexico.

Well, of course he was. If there's one thing reality tv teaches us, it's that a complete loss of human dignity is a tiny price to pay for a trip you could cover out of pocket if you didn't have to pay your medical bills.

[Thanks to Rick, who loves stupidity nearly as much as Bern does. And to MTV, for providing the youth of our fair country with such high quality programming.]

Update: Rick informs me this came from Dave Barry's blog.

Blah.

I'm 40 today. My left knee has become indecisive about continuing to bear my weight and my coworkers have trashed my desk, but I did score gift certificates for Best Buy and Yankee Candle. Feel free to stop by and tell me I don't look a day over 39.

Politics and the artiste.

Elton John. Linda Ronstadt. Henley. (Bwaha.) Suddenly Springsteen feels it incumbent on him to pen a screed for the NYT and organize a big traveling Woodstock show full of angry lefty musicians (REM, Bonnie Raitt, James Taylor, Jackson Browne, John Fogerty; the usual suspects.) You'd think I'd be all over Bruce's shit about it, but you'd be wrong.

Sure, I scorn and fleer; most of the political ideals these people hold dear were fossilized sometime in the Late Cretaceous period (roughly around 1968), haven't been re-examined since, and won't be any time soon. But here's the reason I don't mind them organizing their little pep rallies: the concerts are clearly labelled as political events and are thus easily avoided. Were I to pay upwards of $30 (way upwards, in some cases) to hear any of those artists perform on a regular tour, I'd be livid if they spent stage time blathering about Greenpeace (I'm looking at YOU, Michael Stipe, you pissant) and refusing to play their college radio hits. But here, you know exactly what you're getting.

So let 'em play. I'm curious to see what kind of turnout they get.

Yeah, I know. Big of me to grant permission.

Your CD collection is almost as big as your ego, and you can most likely play an instrument or three. You're a real hit at parties, but you're SO above karaoke.What people love: You're instant entertainment.  Unless you play the obo.  What people hate: Your tendency to sing louder than the radio and compare everything to a freaking song.

What Kind of Elitist Are You? brought to you by Quizilla

I'd argue if I could.

[Via Farm Accident Digest.]

A matched brace of deep thinkers.

I was going to write up a post on the Reagan sibs, but I just don't have the energy.  Enjoy Patti's loopy word stylings, in particular.
Patti Davis airing her Daddy issues in public
Ronnie's latest efforts on behalf of stem cell research

[Courtesy of Bernadine and Angela, respectively.]

That goes double for you, Linda Ronstadt.

Viva Las Vegas:

Before singing Desperado for an encore Saturday night, the 58-year-old rocker called Moore a "great American patriot" and "someone who is spreading the truth." She also encouraged everybody to see the documentary about President Bush.

Ronstadt's comments drew loud boos and some of the 4,500 people in attendance stormed out of the theater. People also tore down concert posters and tossed cocktails into the air.

"It was a very ugly scene," Aladdin President Bill Timmins told The Associated Press. "She praised him and all of a sudden all bedlam broke loose."

Probably a whole audience of hired Bush celebrity harassers.  "Tossed cocktails into the air."  Damn, I miss all the good stuff. 
 
[Thanks to Angela for the link.]

American crushes Elton John's dissent. Again.

In yet another pointless waste of pulp, the old queen just can't shut up about how the left isn't getting its fair share of ink.

Elton John has said stars are scared to speak out against war in Iraq because of "bullying tactics" used by the US government to hinder free speech.

Name a single instance of the US government actually making anyone shut the fuck up.  I can't get away from people like Sean Penn, Tim Robbins, Susan Sarandon, and John himself flapping their gums about how they're not allowed to flap their gums.  Who the hell's stopping them?  Well, no one, actually.  But they're "chilled" by the lack of warmth with which their brave dissent in service of brutal autocracy in the middle east has been met in middle America.

"There's an atmosphere of fear in America right now that is deadly. Everyone is too career-conscious," he told New York magazine, Interview.
"There was a moment about a year ago when you couldn't say a word about anything in this country for fear of your career being shot down by people saying you are un-American," he told the magazine.

Give me a name.  Cite me a single example of HUAC taking some liberal wank like Camryn Mannheim out in handcuffs in the middle of the night.   Then comes the dead giveaway "in MY day" self-centered navel-gazing baby boomer drivel:

The singer said things were different in the 1960s.
"People like Bob Dylan, Nina Simone, The Beatles and Pete Seeger were constantly writing and talking about what was going on.

Yes, they were.  The judgment of time has not been kind to their idiotic opinions.

"That's not happening now. As of this spring, there have been virtually no anti-war concerts - or anti-war songs that catch on, for that matter," he said.

Because you're boring the fuck out of the public, which has already determined that there is a serious problem that requires the attention of serious-minded people, and they don't want to hand you $70 a ticket to hear you bleat about things you have readily demonstrated you're not capable of grasping.  The solution, from your perspective?  Tell your pinko anti-American friends to write catchier songs.

He voiced concern that it appeared acceptable to speak out if you were pro-Bush, using the example of country singer Toby Keith, but not if you were critical of the President, as in the case of country rock band, the Dixie Chicks.
"On the one hand, you have someone like Toby Keith, who has come out and been very supportive of the Bush administration and the war in Iraq - which is OK because America is a democracy and Toby Keith is entitled to say what he thinks and feels.

Mighty fuckin' gracious of ya, Elt.  Toby Keith gets a free ride on that rather terrible "Red White and Blue" song because people support the sentiment.  They share the sentiment.  There is a strong feeling in this country that someone needs a military boot up their ass.  In the face of that sentiment, the fact that the left can't comprehend that the majority of this country doesn't want to hold hands and sing Kumbaya means they're not going to crack the top 40 with "Ode to Osama".  Sorry, dude.
 
This kind of hysteria from the guy who sang "Saturday Night's Alright for Fighting", yet.

"But, on the other hand, the Dixie Chicks got shot down in flames last year for criticising the president. They were treated like they were being un-American, when in fact they have every right to say whatever they want about him because he's freely elected, and therefore accountable."

First, their behavior was unAmerican.  Or,  more properly, anti-American.  Second, note by whom they were treated that way.  Certainly not the big, scary Bush administration, unless you believe George Bush mandates record sales (and if he does, we're going to have to have a chat about certain acts.)  It is a sure sign of ego run amok that entertainers are so sure the entire world revolves around their opinions they think there's an actual organized effort at the top being galvanized to stop people from buying their cds.  I have news for you:  you're just not that important.  Nobody cares what you think.  Now shut up and play "Island Girl", you deep thinker, you.

[Via Drudge.]

Red neck, white socks, blue ribbon beer.

Via the Corner, Slate's "Red state/Blue state" quiz.  And yes, I trended into the red by a comfortable margin, though knowing what the LIRR referred to hurt me a bit.

To my surprise...

Richard Cohen slams Ron Reagan for borrowing his dead father's coat to speak at the Democratic convention. [Link via Jonah Goldberg on The Corner. I don't go reading Cohen articles on my own, and since Charles abandoned his ongoing "Scourge of Richard Cohen" project, I've been ignoring his existence.]

It's hilarious to me that the Democratic party thinks getting one of the sillier Reagans to speak at their convention is supposed to be a political coup of some sort. Why on earth would this be a blow to the Republicans? Little Ronnie's never been *on* the reservation, if it comes to that; it's not like he's wandered off and we're trying to lure him back. Last I'd heard of him before the funeral he was wearing leg warmers and whining about he just wanted to--DANCE!--and I haven't taken him seriously in the twenty years or so since then. It surprises me that anyone would.

Sleaze offensive.

First thing I saw when I signed on AOL: "Donald Trump would 'fire' Bush over Iraq invasion", with an article apparently redacted from an upcoming August "Esquire" interview.

Am I supposed to give a flying fuck? Really, is this supposed to be a slam of earthshattering proportions; should I be feeling the foundations of the GOP shudder from this critical blow? Because, frankly, the man's a political idiot, billionaire or no.

"Look at the war in Iraq and the mess that we're in. I would never have handled it that way.

Details. I want details on precisely how Donald fucking Trump would have handled Iraq.

Does anybody really believe that Iraq is going to be a wonderful democracy where people are going to run down to the voting box and gently put in their ballot and the winner is happily going to step up to lead the country?," Trump said.

By that ridiculous standard, America is not a particularly wonderful democracy. As is bemoaned every four years or so, the percentage of eligible voters who just don't fucking bother is staggering. And yet somehow we manage to muddle through.

"C'mon. Two minutes after we leave, there's going to be a revolution, and the meanest, toughest, smartest, most vicious guy will take over. And he'll have weapons of mass destruction, which Saddam didn't have," Trump said in excerpts of the interview released in advance to Reuters.

Right. That's exactly what happened in Germany and Japan. If the short-sighted among us would sit down, shut their cakeholes, and let the adults do their jobs, this wouldn't even be an issue.

Trump would probably have fired Churchill. Fuck him.

Beautiful.

Paula just e-mailed me the following from the Hollywood Reporter, Monday July 12, 2004, Page 3 in the clips section:

Czech Republic president Vaclav Klaus dubbed Michael Moore's "Fahrenheit 9/11" a communist-style propaganda work after seeing it at a festival in Karlovy Vary. "We were used to such messages in the Communist days," Klaus said. "Everybody has open eyes and can understand that this is propaganda. It was a weak film that tells us nothing new."

Apparently "avant-garde" is now a synonym for "shitty".

And the act should probably be billed as "O DEAR GOD NO".

[Thanks to Angela for the giggle.]

In which Michael Moore is eviscerated once more.

Screedy goodness from James Lileks.

Addendum: Dean Esmay gleefully links to Lileks with the further observation that anyone who finds Moore even remotely defensible is a scumbag by association. Personally I wouldn't go that far; I prefer to cut the ignorant a certain amount of slack.