You are The Cap'n!

Some men are born great, some achieve greatness and some slit the throats of any man that stands between them and the mantle of power. You never met a man you couldn't eviscerate. Not that mindless violence is the only avenue open to you - but why take an avenue when you have complete freeway access? You are the definitive Man of Action. You are James Bond in a blousy shirt and drawstring-fly pants. Your swash was buckled long ago and you have never been so sure of anything in your life as in your ability to bend everyone to your will. You will call anyone out and cut off their head if they show any sign of taking you on or backing down. You cannot be saddled with tedious underlings, but if one of your lieutenants shows an overly developed sense of ambition he may find more suitable accommodations in Davy Jones' locker. That is, of course, IF you notice him. You tend to be self absorbed - a weakness that may keep you from seeing enemies where they are and imagining them where they are not.

What's Yer Inner Pirate?
brought to you by The Official Talk Like A Pirate Web Site. Arrrrr!


Lazy blogging.

Been seeing it everywhere, lifted it from Sheila. Films I've seen in bold, those I only saw on the small screen asterisked.

The Top 100 Grossing Movies (with snide on the side)

1. Titanic - My reactions to this one were a mixed bag; first, most strongly, I wanted to punch that old lady for throwing a diamond of great historical significance into the damn ocean for her own selfish purposes, without a thought for her granddaughter. Thanks for pissing away my college education, Grandma. Second, I found the romance between the principles wildly miscast; DiCaprio seemed in constant danger of being crushed like a lettuce leaf by the robust Ms. Winslet. Third, Cameron lifted the best part of the movie nearly shot for shot from the far superior "A Night To Remember". So when it ended, with me dry-eyed and annoyed, I turned around (front row seats, the theater was packed) and was treated to the sight of an entire theater of weeping females of varying ages. And I laughed.
2. Star Wars
3. E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial - I hated this movie. Every adult in it is evil or clueless, and I resent the hell out of having my buttons pushed in a clumsy manner. This movie lies at the root of my distrust of Spielberg.
4. Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace - Terrible. The kid playing "Annie" kept reminding me of the youngest kid on "Eight is Enough" (that mushroom cap hair cut--agggh), and that's just bad casting when he's supposed to turn into the baddest mofo in the universe two movies hence. Where's Damien when you need him?
5. Spider-Man - Ok, but...come on, Toby McGuire? Or Tobey. However he spells it, he has the speaking voice of a dork.
6. Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King
7. Passion of the Christ
8. Jurassic Park
9. Shrek 2
10. Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
11. Finding Nemo*
12. Forrest Gump*
13. Lion King, The - I hate this movie. Just as I hate every Disney attempt at social engineering. And the songs suck ass.
14. Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone
15. Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
16. Star Wars: Episode II - Attack of the Clones - an improvement over Episode I, but not enough. Unfocused plot, and replacing the "Eight is Enough" kid with Hayden Christiansen (or is it Christian Haydensen?) gets us no closer to the badass requirements of the future Darth Vader.
17. Star Wars: Episode VI - Return of the Jedi - This is where the franchise started to smell, with the planet of the teddy bears. Goddamn, if I wanted to see the Care Bear movie, I would have gone to see it in college.
18. Independence Day
19. Pirates of the Caribbean
20. Sixth Sense, The (1999) - One of my favorite theater moments: maybe halfway through the film, older brother Sean realizes what the plot twist is, and bursts out with, "Well, godDAMN," in an aggrieved tone of voice. Heads whipped around toward him, but he didn't elaborate, and I cracked up. I mean, he wouldn't want to ruin it for everyone.
21. Star Wars: Episode V - The Empire Strikes Back
22. Home Alone* - Words cannot describe how much I loathe this movie. Sadistic slapstick is the lowest form of theater. And no, I don't like f'n Punch'n'Judy, either.
23. Matrix Reloaded, The
24. Shrek
25. Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets
26. How the Grinch Stole Christmas
27. Jaws* - Just gets better every time I see it.
28. Monsters, Inc.
29. Batman - Another franchise I hate; at least I stopped going to these about the time they cast the talentless Chris O'Donnell as Robin (and on a semi-related rant, who the hell thought he'd make a good update for Buster Keaton in "The Bachelor" (a remake of Keaton's hilarious and exhilarating "Seven Chances")? Wouldn't you think remaking a great silent comedy would require someone who was both physical and, I don't know, funny?) Anyway. The whole franchise is too dark. You'd think they were rationing lightbulbs in Gotham City.
30. Men in Black
31. Toy Story 2
32. Bruce Almighty
33. Raiders of the Lost Ark
34. Twister
35. My Big Fat Greek Wedding
36. Ghost Busters
37. Beverly Hills Cop
38. Cast Away
39. Lost World: Jurassic Park, The
40. Signs
41. Rush Hour 2*
42. Mrs. Doubtfire
43. Ghost (1990) - Vomit.
44. Aladdin
45. Saving Private Ryan* - Thanks to Bern and Scott for making me watch it.
46. Mission: Impossible II
47. X2
48. Austin Powers in Goldmember*
49. Back to the Future
50. Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me
51. Terminator 2: Judgment Day
52. Exorcist, The* - Every time I watch this I'm astonished by Linda Blair's performance. And I just love Max von Sydow.
53. Mummy Returns, The - What an utter betrayal by the director. I've never seen a bigger dropoff between two movies in the same series.
54. Armageddon*
55. Gone with the Wind
56. Pearl Harbor
57. Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade
58. Toy Story (1995)
59. Men in Black II*
60. Gladiator - Ridley Scott should stick to sci-fi. He sucks at history, special effects notwithstanding.
61. Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs*
62. Dances with Wolves - proud to have never subjected myself to this.
63. Batman Forever
64. Fugitive, The
65. Ocean's Eleven - This one sort of puzzled me, though I enjoyed it in a mindless way. What the hell was up with the makeup, wardrobe, and lighting people and their vendetta against Julia Roberts in this movie? She looked like 4 miles of bad road, and everybody else looked great.
66. What Women Want*
67. Perfect Storm, The
68. Liar Liar*
69. Grease*
70. Jurassic Park III
71. Mission: Impossible - If you're going to remake an old tv series, here's something: don't make the hero into the villain. Good God, what a piece of crap this was.
72. Planet of the Apes - I have seen the original, but I think this is the remake. Not really clear.
73. Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom
74. Pretty Woman*
75. Tootsie
76. Top Gun
77. There's Something About Mary* - I resisted, but Loraine made me watch it. And I laughed, against my will. I was wrong about this one.
78. Ice Age
79. Crocodile Dundee
80. Home Alone 2: Lost in New York
81. Elf
82. Air Force One
83. Rain Man - I didn't despise it, but I wouldn't sit through it again.
84. Apollo 13
85. Matrix, The
86. Beauty and the Beast
87. Tarzan (1999)
88. Beautiful Mind, A
89. Chicago
90. Three Men and a Baby* - Schlock. And schlock with shitty values.
91. Meet the Parents
92. Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves - This is the film I point to when people ask me why I hate Kevin Costner. Any movie with Alan Rickman and Morgan Freeman ought to be watchable. It's not, and it's mostly Costner's fault.
93. Hannibal - Silly.
94. Catch Me If You Can
95. Big Daddy
96. Sound of Music, The*
97. Batman Returns
98. Bug's Life, A*
99. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
100. Waterboy, The*

Top 100 Grossing Movies adjusted for inflation.

1 Gone With the Wind
2 Star Wars
3 The Sound of Music*
4 E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial
5 The Ten Commandments*
6 Titanic
7 Jaws*
8 Doctor Zhivago*
9 The Exorcist*
10 Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs*
11 101 Dalmatians
12 The Empire Strikes Back
13 Ben-Hur*
14 Return of the Jedi
15 The Sting*
16 Raiders of the Lost Ark
17 Jurassic Park
18 The Graduate*
19 The Phantom Menace
20 Fantasia
21 The Godfather
22 Forrest Gump*
23 Mary Poppins
24 The Lion King
25 Grease*
26 Thunderball*
27 The Jungle Book
28 Sleeping Beauty
29 Ghostbusters
30 Butch Cassidy & the Sundance Kid - I don't really know how I've managed to avoid this one, but I have. Probably because my parents never really cared for it, and any western my father doesn't like can't be much of a western.
31 Bambi
32 Independence Day
33 Love Story*
34 Beverly Hills Cop
35 Spider-Man
36 Home Alone*
37 Pinocchio
38 Cleopatra*
39 Goldfinger*
40 Airport*
41 American Graffiti*
42 The Robe*
43 Around the World in 80 Days*
44 Blazing Saddles*
45 Batman
46 The Bells of St. Mary's*
47 The Return of the King
48 The Towering Inferno*
49 National Lampoon's Animal House*
50 The Passion of the Christ
51 The Greatest Show on Earth*
52 My Fair Lady*
53 Let's Make Love
54 Back to the Future
55 The Two Towers
56 Superman
57 Smokey and the Bandit
58 The Sixth Sense
59 Finding Nemo
60 Tootsie
61 Harry Potter / Sorcerer's Stone
62 West Side Story*
63 Lady and the Tramp
64 Close Encounters of the Third Kind
65 Twister
66 Rocky - Never seen any of these. Never plan to.
67 The Best Years of Our Lives*
68 The Fellowship of the Ring
69 The Poseidon Adventure*
70 Men in Black
71 The Bridge on the River Kwai*
72 Its' a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World
73 Swiss Family Robinson*
74 One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest - I tried to watch it once. Just couldn't get into it.
75 M*A*S*H* - Overrated. Wildly.
76 Indiana Jones & the Temple of Doom
77 Attack of the Clones
78 Mrs. Doubtfire
79 Aladdin
80 Ghost
81 Duel in the Sun*
82 Pirates of the Caribbean
83 House of Wax*
84 Rear Window*
85 The Lost World: Jurassic Park
86 Indiana Jones & the Last Crusade
87 Terminator 2: Judgment Day
88 How the Grinch Stole Christmas
89 Sergeant York*
90 Toy Story 2
91 Top Gun
92 Shrek
93 Crocodile Dundee
94 The Matrix Reloaded
95 Saving Private Ryan*
96 The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse
97 Young Frankenstein*
98 Peter Pan - again, it's not clear which version of Peter Pan this is, but I've seen them all.
99 Gremlins
100 Monsters, Inc.