Nothing like having your finger on the pulse of the nation.

One would think a film that's grossed $361M domestically in two months would have no problem being picked up for television re-broadcast, particularly a film pitched toward the Easter holiday season like "The Passion of the Christ". One would be wrong, of course.

The movie's graphic scenes of Jesus' crucifixion are said to make broadcasters skittish, particularly in the post-Janet Jackson era, when government officials are closely watching what goes on television.

Not to make untoward comparisons about Janet Jackson being martyred or anything, but are we really going to conflate the scourging and crucifixion of Christ with tit-flashing during a major sporting event?

Besides the film's violent content, a network that airs the film would also inherit controversy about it.

Yes. And we all know no one ever made any money off controversy.

Brushes with greatness.

Mike Toole shares his probably-soon-to-be-infamous story about Tom Brokaw.

My own encounters with celebrity are even more peripheral:
--spotted Col. Harlan Sanders dining in a Red Lobster in Louisville when I was about 14. Said nothing.
--ended up walking behind Rick Monday at a Mets/Dodgers game at Shea in when Paula and I got lost looking for the bathroom. I don't remember saying anything, but Paula may have asked him where the exit was.
--was snubbed by Mike Piazza at Spring training at Vero Beach the year he got traded; he signed for Elaine (with my pen), skipped me, signed several more, and ducked into the clubhouse.
--was snubbed by Stevie Nicks at a concert I went to with Angela, handshakes right and left of me.
--once briefly stalked Richard Karn outside a movie theater in Louisville.

Suzanne: "Hey, that's Al from Tool Time.
Me: "Yeah, I think you're right."

Elaine and Loraine were in the back seat and didn't see him. We went in, saw whatever movie we were there for, and as we were getting back in the car Elaine and Loraine spotted him again in the parking lot.

Loraine: "Hey, that's Al from Tool Time."
Suzanne and I: "We know. We told you that earlier."
Elaine, slipping into double-naught spy mode: "Follow him."

So we did. Down Hurstbourne Lane a couple of blocks, when he copped to the fact that he was being followed by four chicks with glasses, panicked, and zipped into a closed car dealership, so we zipped in after him and pulled up beside him. I'm not sure what he thought we were going to do to him, but whatever it was he wanted no part of it; with a look of naked, screaming terror he slammed his rental into reverse and roared out of the lot.

Elaine: "Step on it. He's getting away!"

But I suddenly came to my senses and we let him get away. I've wondered for years whether he ever mentioned it to anyone.

More in the continuing theme of undeserved hyperbole...

Michael Lind dissects Peter Singer's anti-Bush diatribe in the New Statesman; after pointing out Singer's lack of intellectual rigor (and internal consistency), Lind closes with this rather curious statement:

Bush, the worst president of my lifetime [emphasis mine, obviously--k], has the power to reduce otherwise intelligent people to sputtering rage. Singer's polemic, which tells us nothing we did not already know about Bush's beliefs, proves that it is a bad idea to sputter in print.

Granting that Lind might have been an infant during the Carter years, in consideration of the nature of the administration that ran dangerously amok during the eight years prior to Bush's ascension, I find the phrase "worst president of my lifetime" an incredible formulation, and I mean that literally. And that's really all I have to say about it; Lind has been classified and filed as a silly jackass. Moving on.

Radio shrapnel.

In response to a USA Today article about Blender magazine's compilation of the 50 worst hit tunes ever, Angela lists her five most-hated songs of all time:

1. "Too Shy" by Kajagoogoo
2. "Do You Really Want to Hurt Me?" by Culture Club
3. "We Built This City" by Jefferson Starship
4. "Beth" by Kiss
5. Any whiney love ballad by Tim McGraw. Just pick one. I hate them all.

Can't really argue for the artistic merits of any of those...but are they *really* the worst songs you can come up with?

The rules as expressed by Blender are somewhat arbitrary; had to be a hit, but for some damn dumb reason they excluded "I'm Too Sexy", "The Macarena", and "Who Let the Dogs Out" on the questionable grounds of intentional cheesiness, then they apparently axed the bulk of the 70s because it was too easy. So really, they just indulged themselves in a little 80s hatefest; indeed, six of the top ten (or bottom ten, if you will) date from the 80s (seven if you count Vanilla Ice. He probably stole--er, recorded "Ice Ice Baby" in 89.):

1. We Built This City - Starship 1985
2. Achy Breaky Heart - Billy Ray Cyrus 1992
3. Everybody Have Fun Tonight - Wang Chung 1986
4. Rollin' - Limpbizkit 2000
5. Ice Ice Baby - Vanilla Ice 1990
6. The Heart of Rock & Roll - Huey Lewis & The News 1984
7. Don't Worry, Be Happy - Bobby McFerrin 1988
8. Party All the Time - Eddie Murphy 1985
9. American Life - Madonna 2003
10. Ebony and Ivory - Paul McCartney, Stevie Wonder 1982

Sure, they all suck--but can anyone honestly tell me any of these songs are worse than Debbie Boone's "You Light Up My Life"? Are the lyrics to "We Built This City" really any dumber than the Holy Grail of rock tunes, "Stairway To Heaven"? So off the top of my head here's my top five of the moment, with new rules: 1) had to get radio play; "hit" is is a pretty arbitrary term these days, 2) has to make me lunge for the station button like my very life depends on not hearing the rest of the song, 3) nothing off-limits.

1. You Light Up My Life - Debbie Boone, 1977
Like an ice pick in the ear. A song tailor-made for cheesy midwestern weddings. I hate weddings.

2. Me & Bobby McGee - Janis Joplin, 1971
Faux populist profundity with the added tangy zest of faux nihilism. "Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose", my ass.

3. Do Ya Think I'm Sexy - Rod Stewart, 1979
This song has nothing to redeem it.

4. Last Kiss - Pearl Jam, 1999
Eddie Vedder's clench-toothed monotone does this already shitty song no favors.

5. Home Sweet Home - Motley Crue, 1985
Mawkish sentiment is ill-paired with Roman orgy excess. One or the other, guys.

Senator Miller, I love you, and I want to have your babies.*

March 30. 2004

U.S. Senator Zell Miller
Floor Statement: 'A House Divided Cannot Stand'
Remarks as Delivered on the Senate Floor

After watching the harsh acrimony generated by the September 11 Commission - which, let me say at the outset, is made up of good and able members - I've come to seriously question this panel's usefulness.

I believe it will ultimately play a role in doing great harm to this country, for its unintended consequences, I fear, will be to energize our enemies and demoralize our troops.

After being drowned in a tidal wave of all who didn't do enough before 9/11, I have come to believe that the Commission should issue a report that says: "No one did enough in the past. No one did near enough."

Then thank everyone for serving, send them home and let's get on with the job of protecting this country in the future.

Tragically, these hearings have proved to be a very divisive diversion for this country. Tragically, they have devoured valuable time, looking backwards when we should be looking forward.

Can you imagine handling the attack on Pearl Harbor this way? Can you imagine Congress, the media and the public standing for this kind of political gamesmanship and finger pointing after that "day of infamy" in 1941?

Some partisans tried that ploy, but they were soon quieted by the patriots who understood how important it was to get on with the war and take the battle to America's enemies, and not dwell on what FDR knew when.

You see, back then the highest priority was to win a war, not win an election. That's what made them "The Greatest Generation."

I realize that many well-meaning Americans see the hearings as "democracy in action." Years ago, when I was teaching political science, I probably would have had my class watching it live on television and using that very phrase with them.

There are also the not-so-well-meaning political operatives who see these hearings as an opportunity to "score cheap points."

Then, there are the Media Meddlers who see this as "great theater" that can be played out on the evening news and on endless talk shows for a week or more.

Congressional hearings have long been one of Washington's most entertaining pastimes. Joe McCarthy. Watergate. Iran Contra. They all kept us glued to the TV, and made for conversation around the water coolers and arguments over a beer at the corner pub.

A Congressional hearing in Washington, D.C. is the ultimate aphrodisiac for political groupies and partisan punks.

But, it's not the groupies, punks and television-sotted American public that I'm worried about. This latter crowd can get excited and divided over just about anything. Whether it's some off-key wanna-be dreaming of being the American Idol, or what brainless bimbo The Bachelor or Average Joe will choose or who will Donald Trump fire next week.

No, it is the real enemies of America that I'm concerned about.

These evil killers who right now, right now are gleefully watching the shrill partisan finger pointing of these hearings and grinning like a mule eating briars.

They see this as a major split within the Great Satan America. They see anger, they see division, instability, bickering, peevishness and dissension.

They see the President of the United States hammered unmercifully. They see all this and they are greatly, greatly encouraged.

We should not be doing anything to encourage our enemies in this battle between good and evil. Yet, these hearings, in my opinion, are doing just that.

We are playing with fire. We're playing directly into the hands of our enemy by allowing these hearings to become the great divider they have become.

Dick Clarke's book and its release coinciding with these hearings have done this country a tremendous disservice, and someday we will reap its whirlwind.

Long ago, Sir Walter Scott observed that revenge is "the sweetest morsel that ever was cooked in hell."

The vindictive Clarke has now had his revenge, but what kind of hell has he, his CBS publisher and his axe-to-grind advocates unleashed?

These hearings, coming on the heels of the election the terrorists influenced in Spain, bolster and energize our evil enemies as they have not been energized since 9/11.

Chances are very good that these evil enemies of America will attempt to influence our 2004 election in a similar dramatic way as they did Spain's And to think that could never be in this country is to stick your head in the sand.

That is why the sooner we stop this endless bickering over the past and join together to prepare for the future, the better off this country will be. There are some things - whether this city believes it or not - that are just more important than political campaigns.

The recent past is so ripe for political second-guessing "gotcha" and Monday morning quarter-backing. And it is so tempting in an election year. We should not allow ourselves to indulge that temptation. We should put our country first.

Every administration from Jimmy Carter to George W. Bush bears some of the blame. Dick Clarke bears a big heap of it because it was he who was in the catbird's seat to do something about it for more than a decade. Tragically, it was the decade in which we did the least.

We did nothing after terrorists attacked the World Trade Center in 1993, killing six and injuring more than 1,000 Americans.

We did nothing in 1996 when sixteen U.S. servicemen were killed in the bombing of the Khobar Towers.

When our embassies were attacked in 1998, killing 263 people, our only response was to fire a few missiles on an empty tent.

Is it any wonder? Is it any wonder that after that decade of weak-willed responses to that murderous terror, our enemies thought we would never fight back?

In the 1990's is when Dick Clarke should have resigned. In the 1990's is when he should have apologized. That is when he should have written his book. That is, if he really had America's best interest at heart.

Some will say, "We owe it to the families" to get more information about what happened in the past and I can understand that. But no amount of finger-pointing will bring our victims back.

So, now we owe it to future families and all of America now in jeopardy not to encourage more terrorists, resulting in even more grieving families, perhaps many more over the ones of 9/11.

It's obvious to me that this country is rapidly dividing itself into two camps: the wimps and the warriors.

The ones who want to argue and assess and appease, and the ones who want to carry this fight to our enemies and kill him them before they kill us. And, in case you haven't figured it out, I proudly belong to the latter.

This is a time like no other in the history of this country, and this country is being crippled with petty partisan politics of the worst possible kind. In time of war, it is not just unpatriotic; it is stupid, and it is criminal.

So, I pray that all this time, all this energy, all this talk and all this attention could be focused on the future instead of the past.

I pray we would stop pointing fingers, assigning blame and wringing our hands about what happened on that day David McCullogh has called "the worst day in our history" more than two years ago.

And instead, pour all of our energy into how we can kill these terrorists before they kill us - again.

For make no mistake about it. They watch these hearings. They are scheming and smiling about the distraction and the divisiveness they see in America. And while they may not know who said it years ago in America, they know instinctively that a house divided cannot stand.

There is one other group that we should remember is listening to all of this - our troops.
I was in Iraq in January and one day when I was meeting with the 1st Armored Division, a unit with a proud history known as Old Ironsides, we were discussing troop morale, and the Commanding General said it was top notch.

And I turned to the Division's Sergeant Major, the top enlisted man in the division, a big, burly, 6-foot-3, 240 pound African American and I said, "That's good, but how do you sustain that kind of morale?"

Without hesitation he narrowed his eyes, and he looked at me and said "The morale will stay high just as long as these troops know the people back home support us."

Just as long as the people back home support us. What kind of message are these hearings and the outrageously political speeches on the floor of the Senate yesterday sending to those marvelous young Americans in the uniform of our country?

I say Unite America! Before it is too late! Put aside these petty partisan differences when it comes to the protection of our people.

Argue and argue and argue and debate and debate and debate over all the other things - jobs and education and the deficit and the environment - but please, please do not use the lives of Americans and the security of this country as a cheap-shot political talking point.

Thanks to Kathy C. for the original link.

*For extra credit, to whom did Edmund Blackadder address the quote, and which episode is it from?