Entertaining invective.

Via Michele at A Small Victory, this priceless rant on this year's rather lame crop of Rock'n'Roll HOF nominees.
Of course you know, this means war.

Some dumb son of a bitch here in the apartment complex had the gall, the boldfaced nerve, to leave an old, worn out propane grill on my patio. I don't care if I don't ever set foot on that goddamn patio, I pay rent for it and there will be no grills stored there that I have not purchased my own self.

Measures will be taken. There will be wailing and gnashing of teeth.


Unintentional hilarity.

Hipocrisy is saying one thing and doing another.

Hippocracy is government by horses.

It might be a good idea to memorize the difference between those two.

(Comments, scroll down to Posted by Jeremy on September 11, 2003 11:34 PM. I wasn't going to mention it, but it kept making me laugh.)
Mark Morford should be fired.
For offenses against the English language.
"some mutant shellacked Maria Shriver-like perma-saluting mannequin"

"all fake smiles and bleached teeth and Botoxed worry lines and pumped-up, silicone-enhanced flag-waving bravado"

"an entirely new, politically purified, blazingly conscious, peace-seeking vision"

"run roughshod over your id like an SUV crushes a bird's nest"
That's just painful.

He winds up his 9/11 retrospective with this gem:
It all comes down to this: Can you, on the deepest and most acute levels possible, in a raw and divine way that does zero dishonor to the various tragedies of your world but instead injects them all with mandatory doses of perspective and divine drunkenness and hot screaming love, can you, with every fiber or your being, with the deepest breath you can possibly take, laugh at the cosmic carnival of it all? .
No, I can't. Bite my ass, shitnugget.

[Via Michele, whose page will no longer load as I post this.]


Not for nothin'...

...but what use does Subway have for giant cans of "Country Sausage Gravy"? Do they even serve breakfast?
Never forget.

I stink at being thoughtfully somber and I don't have the eloquence to do justice to the day. These people do:

Damien Penny.
Sheila O'Malley. (And here.)
Emily Jones.
Michele Catalano. (Andrea Harris concurs.)
Ian Hamet.
James Lileks. (Second half of the entry.)
Mark Steyn.
Christopher Hitchens.



Like everyone else, I have my favorites:

10) Play It All Night Long -- Sweet Home, Alabama, play that dead band's song/turn those speakers up full blast and play it all night long.

9) Mohammed's Radio -- Don't it make you want to rock and roll, all night long.

8) Mr. Bad Example -- I'm proud to be a glutton, and I don't have time for sloth/I'm greedy and I'm angry and I don't care who I cross.

7) I'll Slow You Down -- You know I hate it when you stick your hand inside my head/And switch all my priorities around/You think you're pretty tricky but you're simply overbred/Go on without me, I'll just slow you down.

6) Turbulence -- We've been fightin' with the Mujahedin/Down in Afghanistan/Comrade Gorbachev/Can I go back to Vladivostok, man.

5) Splendid Isolation -- Don't want to wake up with no one beside me/Don't want to take up with nobody new/Don't want nobody comin' by without callin' first/Don't want nothin' to do with you.

4) Poor, Poor Pitiful Me -- Met a girl at the Rainbow Bar, she asked me if I'd beat her/She took me back to the Hyatt House...I don't want to talk about it.

3) Lawyers, Guns, and Money -- And I'm hiding in Honduras/I'm a desperate man/Send lawyers, guns and money/The shit has hit the fan.

2) Werewolves of London -- I saw a werewolf with a Chinese menu in his hand/Walking through the streets of Soho in the rain...

1) Renegade -- Some prayers never reach the sky/Some wars never end/And some dreams refuse to die/Next time I would rather break than bend
Bad taste alert.

Ok, I could almost understand the Chinese not grokking the opprobrium associated with all things Hitler. The Italians, however, really ought to know better.