Courtesy of my cousin Loraine, the 213 Things Skippy Is No Longer Allowed To Do In The U.S. Army. Samples:
35. Not allowed to sing 'High Speed Dirt' by Megadeth during airborne operations. ('See the earth below/Soon to make a crater/Blue sky, black death, I'm off to meet my maker')
48. I may not use public masturbation as a tool to demonstrate a flaw in a command decision.
58. The following words and phrases may not be used in a cadence- Budding sexuality, necrophilia, I hate everyone in this formation and wish they were dead, sexual lubrication, black earth mother, all Marines are latent homosexuals, Tantric yoga, Gotterdammerung, Korean hooker, Eskimo Nell, we've all got jackboots now, slut puppy, or any references to squid.
198. Not allowed to lead a 'Coup' during training missions.


Pinch me.

I must be dreaming. I just read on AOL (via AP) that Al Franken has signed with a yet-to-be launched liberal radio network (not NPR, a new one) with the intent of running opposite Rush Limbaugh's noon to three slot.
Franken said he planned to use a mix of interviews, calls from listeners and scripted comedy. He said he planned to have a co-host with long experience in radio, but he said that role had not been finalized.
Have any of these people checked out Franken's comedy chops lately? He hasn't been funny since Christ was a corporal. And just who is it that thinks this is a brilliant idea?
Last November the company was bought by an investment group led by Mark Walsh, a former America Online executive and adviser to the Democratic National Committee, from the venture capitalists Sheldon and Anita Drobny.
I thought venture capitalists were eeeeevil. And I know damn well the people behind AOL are.
Franken, whose earlier book was called "Rush Limbaugh Is a Big Fat Idiot,'' said he plans to call up his nemesis for advice on his own show since Limbaugh has often said he wonders why new radio hosts don't seek out his counsel.
Ah, there's that mordant wit, that breath of fresh, cleansing air. You know, I don't particularly like Limbaugh, but he's at least twice as quickwitted as Franken. If Franken has the temerity to call him up during his show, Rush will eat his lunch for him.
"I'll ask him advice: how he approaches a show, how he frames an issue. If it doesn't happen it will be - very understandably - because he won't take my call,'' Franken said.
Somewhere Rush Limbaugh just sprouted enormous wood. Sorry about the visual.


Zombie trailer alert.

Check out the Shaun of the Dead trailer.


"Let's run it up the flagpole and see if the rats desert the sinking ship."*

When Ed Koch is the voice of reason and actually expresses himself as befits an elder statesman in support of the Bush presidency, we live in a world run amok.

[Via Charles Austin.]

*Wild public acclaim to the first one to name the show that quote is from. $5 says Bernadine does it.