In which I address Orlando Bloom.

Go Fug Yourself reports that the Star said you broke up with Kate Bosworth because she told you to choose between her and making Pirates II with Johnny Depp.

You made the right decision, sweetie.

Dames come and go and take half your property with them. A decent role in a movie franchise, even as secondary slightly-swishy beefcake--that's as close to security as Hollywood gets. Besides, her head looks like a pumpkin on a pencil. Seriously.

Now go eat a sandwich.

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