3/13/2004

One of those good news/bad news things.

The good news: there's a project afoot to film Beowulf. And they want to cast Sean Connery as Hrothgar.

The bad news that will render the good news irrelevant: they have no fucking idea what they're doing.
Beowulf prefers to see himself as an ordinary man, but for his particular skill in slaying monsters.
Are you fucking kidding me?
The monster in this case is not a creature of mythic powers, but one of flesh and blood - immense flesh and raging blood, driven by a vengeance from being wronged. Beowulf wants to do the right thing, but what the right thing is, becomes increasingly unclear.
I just love it when filmmakers decide it's a good idea to force a modernist mindset on an ancient property. Apparently the Northmen are supposed to ask themselves why Grendel hates them. Maybe at the end they'll all hug and beat their swords into plowshares. Pass.

Post script: I should also point out that removing the mythological underpinnings makes the struggle just another pointless pissing contest. How can you have a guy who has a "particular skill in slaying monsters" and then make the monster not a monster? I mean, seriously, what the hell?

3/09/2004

If you love Looney Tunes, buy this.


3/08/2004

Movie roundup.

I saw The Passion of the Christ the Saturday after it opened, but I haven't been able to post about it for a couple of reasons. First, because I don't really have anything distinctive to add to the Babel of voices raised for and against it already, and second, because my reaction to it was intensely personal and I've been struggling to find the words to express my amazement with the film. I cannot describe how far it exceeded, even transcended my expectations.

To be honest, I was initially interested primarily in hearing the dead languages being spoken; I'm a language freak and studied Latin in high school, and that was the offbeat note that caught my interest when I first heard Gibson was interested in making the film. Like most people, I thought he was probably going to lose his shirt, making a film with such a tiny niche market--who in their right mind thought John Q. Public would sit still for two hours of Jesus movie in languages no one speaks anymore?--and I admired him for being determined enough to go ahead and do the project because it obviously meant a great deal to him. This was a novel experience, as I had never previously had cause to admire Mel Gibson for much of anything; I've never been a fan of his acting or his direction.*

It was therefore an enormous surprise to find that he is capable of coaxing incredible performances from more talented actors than himself (Jim Caviezel is wonderful, but Maia Morgenstern absolutely broke my heart.) It was further a surprise to find that he was able to put together a movie about grotesque human brutality, and to focus unflinchingly on that brutality, but to put the visual sequences together in such a way that the camera turns away just as it all becomes too much to bear. I know many people found the violence bordering on the pornographic; I can only say I didn't find it so. Sam Peckinpah, The Matrix, Bonnie and Clyde--that's the pornography of violence. To me the difference is that the violence here is not glorified--it's simply presented as a fact. I've seen reviews that question the authenticity of the gore--I can only wonder if any of them have done any research at all into Roman culture. They didn't own most of the known world because they shrank from violence.

Speaking to the other concerns I think are legitimate, the questions of anti-semitism and the quasi-absolution of Pilate--well, those are to a certain extent, within the eye of the beholder. I was never taught and have never felt that the Jews were to blame for the death of Christ; I watched with what I hope was a critical eye and never felt that the movie was trying to say otherwise. I recognize that Gibson's father has said some woefully ignorant and hurtful things, but I wouldn't tar Mel Gibson with his father's brush, and think it's shameful of others to do so. He's a grown man, he has his own mind and has made his own statement. Judge him on that. The characterization of Pilate is sympathetic, but as his actions don't deviate far from the Gospel, I see that as an interpretive call, and I'm not prepared to argue either way.

Because none of that is the point of the story. The sacrifice was inevitable; no one could have stopped it had they wanted to, apart from Christ himself. Complaints that the movie didn't show enough of His teachings fall on deaf ears here; King of Kings is for rent any time you want to see it. Complaints that the resurrection wasn't emphasized enough also seem to me to miss the point of the scope of the movie. This is an illustration, limited by human imperfection, of the suffering and sacrifice upon which the Christian faith is founded. And many people want to be moved by that message. The fact that there is apparently a great spiritual thirst for this movie, at this time and in this place, gives me greater hope for the future than I have had in a long time. It's certainly not a perfect film, none of them are. But for the here and now, it's good enough.

*Braveheart's an interesting movie, if wildly inaccurate, but the performance in it that catches my eye is not Mel's grandstanding martyr, but Patrick McGoohan's fascinating, imperious, dominant turn as Edward Longshanks. He made me believe he was a Plantagenet.




On a much less serious note, I saw Hidalgo this past Saturday. I have a confession: I just don't much like Viggo Mortensen. I didn't really like him as Aragorn, even; I find him pretentious and earnestly dull on screen, and his inability to use his eyes expressively leaves me utterly cold. The good points of his performance: his Western drawl wasn't excessively painful (I've heard much, much worse) and the one thing I must concede: the man sits a horse beautifully. In a horse movie this is, naturally, of primary importance. He also fights well, in sudden bursts of energy, and has a few moments of levity that threaten to bring the character to life before he sinks back into Hamlet's brooding melancholy yet again. That inky cloak must have been the first thing he threw into the saddle bags when he left.

The bad: well. He mumbles. His voice seems to be trying to come out through his nostrils. He's supposed to be half-Lakota; letting the question of blue eyes and recessive genes go for the moment, why does he have to have blond hair? I know it's a nitpick, but it was distracting.

But it would be unfair of me to say that Mortensen actually spoils the film; that's accomplished more by sloppy writing and editing that has the energy of the film dissipated long before the supposed climax of the action has been reached. I didn't and don't object to the fact that it's not really based on a true story ("This is the west, sir. When the legend becomes fact, print the legend."*), but the modernist agenda of the script (written by the hack who wrote "Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron", yet another anthropomorphic horsey whitey-is-evil piece of animated tripe from Disney) makes the dialog painful to hear, and clumsy side plots involving nascent feminism among the Arabs (Shyeah. Right.) and the purchase of a slave boy (apparently only included in the film for the sake of ethnic diversity, as he's left at loose ends at the conclusion) weaken the narrative frame, and made me yearn for the days of John Ford. My advice: you'd be better off buying a copy of The Searchers or Cheyenne Autumn. If you're going to let yourself be manipulated, at least let a master do it and not some hamfisted amateur.

*The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance.

Update: Ian Hamet informs me, correctly, that I attributed "Spirit" to the wrong company. Dreamworks, not Disney, was responsible for that particular fiasco.
Excellent.

I scored a mere 25 (out of a possible 160, apparently) on the Libertarian Purity Test. This pleases me. If I'd scored much higher I'd worry about my conservative bona fides.
Up yours, George.

Word from IMDB about Clooney's next project after "Ocean's 12":
Syrina is based on See No Evil, the memoirs of former CIA operative Robert Bauer and claims that meddling by "White House and Pentagon pen-pushers" sealed the fate of the thousands that died in the tragic 9/11 terrorist heist in September 2001.
Rot in hell, you stupid lefty fuck.

3/04/2004

Interesting.

glass heart
Heart of Glass


What is Your Heart REALLY Made of?
brought to you by Quizilla

And thank you very much Quizilla for putting that song in my head. [Via Ben Kepple.]
Everyone's crazy but me and thee...

...and sometimes I have my doubts about you.

James Bowman on the quadriennial entertainment of the LaRouche campaign, and why it's not substantively different from the campaigns for people we don't necessarily think of as having lost their minds.

3/01/2004

Why I hate the Oscars.

Sean Penn? Sean freakin' Penn gets best actor for that one-each by-the-numbers pot boiler? Worse, Tim Robbins collects yet another undeserved award for his tics and grimaces. Charlize Theron's best actress role: lesbian, check. Serial killer, check. Uglied up for the role, checkcheckcheck. Guaranteed Oscar bait. And finally, the "we realize we fucked up two years running so here's every Oscar you've been nominated for this year, no matter how undeserving the film in question may have actually been" series of make-up Oscars for Return of the King. (For my money, the most egregious of these was the soundtrack award to Howard Shore.)

I regret it every damn time I break my standing rule not to watch this massive waste of time.

2/25/2004

Here's the WWI flying ace...

Snoopy
You are Snoopy!


Which Peanuts Character are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Those who know me are laughing about the "sheer joy for life" line. They can, of course, bite me.

(Via Bill McCabe.)

2/24/2004

I do swear a lot.




You're The Catcher in the Rye!

by J.D. Salinger

You are surrounded by phonies, and boy are you sick of them! In an
ongoing struggle to search for a land without phonies, you end up running away from
everything, from school to consequences. In this process, you reveal that many people
in your life have suffered torments and all you really want to do is catch them as
they fall. Perhaps using a baseball mitt. Your biggest fans are infamous
psychotics.



Take the Book Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.



"Phonies" is harsh. (Via Mike Toole.)

2/20/2004

I really don't know why this stuff catches me off-guard.

Roger Ebert's just weird. I was reading his review of "Welcome to Mooseport" (his is one of the very few positives), and ran across this:
We question that such a naive and innocent town could exist in America, and are almost relieved to find that the movie was shot in Canada. Has it seemed to you lately that Canada is the last remaining repository of the world Norman Rockwell used to paint?
No, Rog, it hasn't, and you really need to get out of Chicago more.
Strictly from Dixie.

Via Farm Accident Digest, the Yankee or Dixie quiz. I scored a solid 68% to the Dixie side; would probably have been more definitively Dixie but for the fact that my parents moved up to Chelmsford, Mass. for a little over a year when I was learning to talk. So I drawl a bit, but I do it very quickly.

2/19/2004

Shillin' for George.

It's a fulltime job.

Ryne McClaren, an otherwise excellent blogger, defends the indefensible:
And is it just me or is there something sort of sick about the mind of John Henry here, whining about the Yankees acquiring a player that Boston was also chasing? It's as if he believes that a second set of rules should apply to the Yankees, just because they're not drowning in their own half century of embarassment.
I think it's more that he's pissed that there's already a second set of rules for the Yankees.
"There is really no other fair way to deal with a team that has gone so insanely far beyond the resources of all the other teams," Henry said in an e-mail to reporters.

This coming from the man who wrote the checks for baseball's third highest payroll last year.

The difference between poor ol' John Henry's club last year and the 2003 World Champion Marlins? Only $48,112,879 bones.
The difference between 2003 Champs and Steingrabber's also-rans: about $100M. Hmm.
This year, John-boy is going to drop $125.1 million on the boys in Beantown.

So John Henry, spare me the crocodile tears, m'kay?
"The Yankee payroll will account for approximately 9.6% of total MLB payroll in 2004." Can you possibly think this is a good thing for the game as a whole? Or does that just not matter?
Responded Steinbrenner: "Unlike the Yankees, he chose not to go the extra distance for his fans in Boston."

And so continues the history of the Yankees and their whipping boys to the north.
There's that sweet-natured joshing that's made Yankee and Yankeefan alike beloved throughout the baseball nation.

2/17/2004

Required reading for Mets fans.

Mike Toole* captures the exquisitely ironic joy of Metsochism : Arod's timeline as a New York Met.

*Huge thanks to Sheila O'Malley for recommending Mike Toole's blog in the first place.
James Cameron looming threateningly on the horizon of history once again.

That's a long-winded way of saying I hate Titanic.

Anyway, this is what the King of the World is contemplating: a 'fictionalized' story about the destruction of Pompeii taken from Charles Pellegrino's Ghosts of Vesuvius, which is non-fiction. But this is what has me worried:
Variety says that the Lightstorm trio will sift through the book to create a fictionalized account, which likely will tie into the politics of Rome, an empire whose demise may have been hastened by the devastation of Vesuvius.
Er, probably not. That's like assuming the US government would collapse if a hurricane took out the Hamptons.
Al Leiter feels my pain.

Probably more keenly than I do, actually. I can tune it all out if I have to.
"I find it curious that this was a deal that somehow only the Yankees could get done," Leiter said yesterday from his home in Fort Lauderdale, Fla. "I mean, any team, or any team with the financial ability -- and there are more than a few -- would gladly spend $16 million a year to get Alex Rodriguez, as great a player as he is."

Leiter was referring to the financial burden the Yankees will assume when all the money changes hands and questioned how a tentative deal with the Red Sox was not approved while this one was.
Well, that's the multi-million dollar question, now, isn't it? My own case of sour grapes aside, the whole thing reeks of bad faith. Every time Selig opens his mouth I see George Steingrabber's fingers moving in the back of his throat.
[A]t least before he was buried away down in Texas. Now he's just a few miles away across the river in the Bronx, and we get to hear about his exploits all the time.

"I don't think salt in the wound describes it enough. It's more like rubbing salt, and then pouring hydrogen peroxide and rubbing alcohol and rust in there at the same time."
Yeah. Just like that. But lemon juice instead of hydrogen peroxide.
The insolence of office.

Ian Hamet rails against the boobs in T-Mobile's customer service department, saving me the trouble of considering them for my next cell contract.

2/16/2004

Better and better.

The Yankees don't just get ARod, they get him cheap:
Rangers - 3 years/$140M
Yankees - 7 years/$120M.
Yeah. The great thing about baseball is it's so fair.

2/15/2004

Yankee pact with Satan all but confirmed.

Announcement any day now.
Bubba Ho-Tep DVD

Due out May 25.