12/05/2006

New Bond.

I assumed it was all hype, as they said the same ridiculous crap about Brosnan being the "best Bond ever", but Daniel Craig, an absolute ninny in real life, really is the second-best screen Bond ever. (The best is Connery. This is not opinion, this is fact. Comments in favor of Roger Moore over Connery will be treated with derision.) The film runs a bit long, as the section after the main action in the casino feels like a really stretched out denouement ala Return of the King, but it works out ok in the end. I even liked the opening credit sequence and I thought the score was fine. The action was slam-bang without teetering over the edge into the cartoonish. Even Judy Densch was tolerable, although I'd still like to have seen them replace her with an actor more like the original M so the dynamic between her and Bond isn't so...maternal. Since I must complain about something: Eva Green's clothes look like crap, and her jewelry--ugh. In fact, the women's clothes in general could have used a boost. But that's really the worst thing I can say about it.

9/17/2006

Mother-hunchin' Blogger

Ate half the fucking template. I give the fuck up.

Battlestar Galactica: piece of shit.

The biggest since ST:TNG, and for the same reason: the unholy union of girly soap opera and actionless, brainless plot with just enough gadgetry to claim to be "futuristic". Even the promos piss me off, with their soundtrack of weepy power ballad and expressions of intense concern instead of grim resolve. I want better sci-fi, dammit.

6/29/2006

Template goes wonky.

Reconstructed, more or less, with some changes. I don't understand why Blogger defies implementation as written. Lines I take out reappear mysteriously, things that have been in effect since inception suddenly disappear. Whatever. Oh, and style sheets suck.

6/15/2006

"Fuck you and your girlish metaphors, failure."

Udolpho reviews the movie "Cars":
[...]soulless, computer-generated offal, this cinematic excrement of such extreme putrescence that its sole redeeming virtue is that it is not presented in Smell-o-vision.
and the reviewers who promote it:
It is my fond hope that Peter Travers burns in Hell.
The fond hope of all who love movies, my friend.

4/10/2006

Yeah. Right.

The Writers Guild of America West picks the 101 greatest movie scripts of all time. Acknowledging in advance that these lists are mostly bullshit, there were only 9 films on the list I hadn't seen, and most of those were deliberate avoidance rather than oversight.

The ones I haven't seen:
24. ETERNAL SUNSHINE OF THE SPOTLESS MIND
36. MIDNIGHT COWBOY
53. ALL THE PRESIDENT'S MEN
54. MANHATTAN
57. CRIMES AND MISDEMEANORS
77. ADAPTATION
87. 8 1/2
88. FIELD OF DREAMS
93. DO THE RIGHT THING

I'd probably sit through Eternal Sunshine and Field of Dreams if I ran out of other things to watch, maybe even Adaptation and Midnight Cowboy. On the other hand, I've seen parts of All the President's Men and 8 1/2, and those are a no go. I can't stand Spike Lee or Woody Allen (Lee for his hate-whitey politics and Allen for his actual movies), so Do the Right Thing, Crimes and Misdemeanors, and Manhattan are highly unlikely.

The ones that should be ranked higher, working backwards:
101. NOTORIOUS - probably about 20 points off.
98. THE GRAPES OF WRATH - Probably 20 points off.
97. THE SEARCHERS - Probably 30-40 points off. It's not just a good looking film.
94. PATTON - How does this not crack the top 20?
85. LA GRANDE ILLUSION - For this to be languishing in the bottom fifth of the list while utter formula crap like Rocky prances above it tells me even our pretentious film snobs are of a lower caste than previous generations. "Yo, Paulie, y'sistah's at my place."
84. THE PRINCESS BRIDE - again, how does this rank below Shakespeare in Love?
75. HIGH NOON - About 60 points too low.
71. THE LION IN WINTER - 50 points off. Minimum.
65. SINGIN' IN THE RAIN - Top 20. Maybe top 10.
63. JAWS - Move it up a good 50 points.
47. THE MALTESE FALCON - Top 20, at least.
46. THE TREASURE OF THE SIERRA MADRE - Top 30.
37. THE PHILADELPHIA STORY - Beaten out by fucking TOOTSIE? Kiss my ass and move it up to the top 15, you tasteless Philistines.
31. HIS GIRL FRIDAY - Top 20.

What shouldn't even be on the damn list:
3. CHINATOWN - Fucking awful.
6. ANNIE HALL - Fucking boring.
11. BUTCH CASSIDY & THE SUNDANCE KID - A cowboy movie for people who don't understand Westerns. Whoever ranked this piece of unwatchable crap this far above High Noon and The Searchers should be slapped. Or just restricted to watching Woody Allen movies.
17. TOOTSIE - Come on, how the hell does this script rate a top 20? It's a gimmick movie sold largely on watching Dustin Hoffman pull off a good drag act. The actual script is eh.
28. SHAKESPEARE IN LOVE - What the fuckin' fuck?
38. AMERICAN BEAUTY - Seldom has such thin material been so overrated.
51. BROADCAST NEWS - Always overrated, and I still can't figure out why.
58. ORDINARY PEOPLE - Ordinary script.
66. JERRY MAGUIRE - Anyone who voted for this should be kneecapped. Possibly the biggest offense on the list. "You had me at 'hello'." Fuck the Guild for having the nerve to put this on this list.
67. E.T. THE EXTRA-TERRESTRIAL - God I hate this manipulative piece of shit.
68. STAR WARS - Enjoyable film. Crap script.
72. THELMA & LOUISE - It's a pretty stupid story, actually.
78. ROCKY - Argh. ARGH.
81. BEING THERE - No. Just--no.
89. FORREST GUMP - No. Gimmicky schmaltz.
90. SIDEWAYS - One of the best scripts of ALL FUCKING TIME? I wouldn't even bother to watch this one a second time.
91. THE VERDICT - It was Ok. It was not a timeless classic.

What's missing: O Brother, Where Art Thou? Beats the unholy shit out of Fargo, frankly. And I liked Fargo.

3/22/2006

Miss Smedley, are you trying to make me vomit?

The Social Affairs Unit, Bunny Smedley division:
Most of all, though, France has allowed Americans who are that way inclined to say something intelligible about who they are, or at any rate who they wish to be. So for every American simmering with gee-whiz nativist contempt for all the things France might be seen to symbolise — which is to say, intellectualism, sensuality, frivolity and decadence, as opposed to the classic American virtues of practicality, decency, earnestness and healthy New World vigour — there's another American who wonders, with varying degrees of guilt, whether an old Chateau Latour and a volume of Collette's more feline stories might somehow have the edge on Garrison Keillor and a super-size helping of Liberty fries. Whisper it quietly, but — well, isn't there something about those cheese-eating surrender monkeys that's actually, when you come to think about it, pretty darned s├ęduisant?


The French just made Jerry Lewis a Legion Commander. The crowd was raucous. I will now look the other way while you slink off in embarrassed silence.

3/14/2006

The New Criterion stole my money.

Although I think the sale of "tokens" to purchase articles is pretty much ass, because I want my free content, I sometimes use the tokens to read articles by people like Theodore Dalrymple, Mark Steyn, and Roger Scruton. I bought 10 last week, I have no token credits, and the money's gone. They have yet to respond to my email. I must therefore assume they are thieves. So that's why they're gone from the blogroll, not that they're going to notice.

2/23/2006

F'n Blogger.

It's eating my posts again. My genius, lost to posterity. DAMN it.

Pretty close.

Apathy should probably be a little higher, though.


You scored as Justice (Fairness). Your life is guided by the concept of Fair Justice: Everyone, yourself included, should be rewarded and punished according to the help or harm they cause.

"He who does not punish evil commands it to be done."
--Leonardo da Vinci

"Though force can protect in emergency, only justice, fairness, consideration and cooperation can finally lead men to the dawn of eternal peace."
--Dwight D. Eisenhower


Justice (Fairness)


85%

Existentialism


65%

Divine Command


65%

Strong Egoism


45%

Utilitarianism


35%

Kantianism


35%

Nihilism


25%

Hedonism


25%

Apathy


25%

What philosophy do you follow? (v1.03)
created with QuizFarm.com


Via Ace the Hedonist.