"Return of the King" fifth viewing commentary.

Viggo Mortensen and Elijah Wood could both eat corn through a picket fence.

Given that I must perforce accept the idea that Denethor is derelict in defense of the city and the women and children were not sent away before the armies of evil encamped outside the walls, what the hell are they doing on the first level of the city when the gates are sundered? Are they too stupid to have removed themselves to the upper levels prior to this action? And would the deaths of people that goddamn stupid be any real loss to the gene pool?

Miranda Otto looks like she's going to throw up every time the script calls for her to do anything but moon at Aragorn. She also has pipecleaner arms, and I am not convinced she could have hacked the head off a Nazgul's mount in two blows (or twenty, for that matter.)

Denethor: he's oil-soaked and sending up shooting flames the size of one of the signal beacons. Having him run the length of the courtyard and plunge into freefall in this condition is ludicrous. If you're going to go that far why not also have one of the Nazgul fly by and chomp him? Yeah, and then have it drop him on top of a spire so he can be impaled as well. Because apparently we just hate Denethor so much it's not enough to kill him once over and be done with it.

The hobbits are way too in touch with their tear ducts.

I would have preferred the orc general not suddenly assume a fearful aspect at the sight of the onrushing Rohirrim. That guy should have gone down with a sneer of defiance.