8/08/2003

Loose canon.

Via Andrea Harris: Starting with East of Eden, Oprah Winfrey is throwing her considerable cultural influence behind some literary works with at least debatable status as classics; the only question seems to be whether she has the standing to choose which works can be designated as such.
"I hope you know that you are stepping into the middle of what the '90s called the campus 'culture wars,'" said University of Louisville English professor Dale Billingsley.
(Gratuitous quote included because it's by one of my two favorite professors at the old alma mater, and a man of considerable sense.)

I spent some years at U of L during the early/mid 80s in pursuit of an English BA, sorting through both canon literature and the hot contemporary writers at the time (mostly ChickLit and PoMos, with all the attendant axe-grinding everyone pretended to find so terribly interesting.) If Oprah wants to uphold some semblance of literary tradition and actually gets the people who normally wouldn't touch Steinbeck with a ten foot pole to want to read him--I'm all for it. Even if East of Eden isn't really part of the canon, it's still well written. And the more good writing you get people to read, the better able they're going to be to decide for themselves what is and is not worth their time.
Idolatry.

Matt Labash in the Weekly Standard covers all the reasons why I despise American Idol (and its ilk) in one snarkily hilarious column:
I'M NOT SURE exactly when I began feeling myself turning from "American Idol" friend to "American Idol" foe. Perhaps it was when I got a good look at the kind of company I was keeping. When Ruben sang his smash hit, "Flying Without Wings," many in the audience began sticking out their arms to make soaring motions (the song says "flying without wings"--keep up, people).

Or maybe it came with the ill-advised he said/she said gang war. The fellas sang a swinging version of Frank Sinatra's "The Lady is a Tramp," while the girls kept interrupting with Destiny's Child's "Bootylicious," singing "I don't think you're ready for this jelly." Indeed, I wasn't. Or perhaps the show's nadir came when Ruben and Clay pretended they were quarreling while crooning the Paul McCartney / Michael Jackson song, "The Girl Is Mine." Like Jackson before him, it's hard to imagine Clay even liking a girl, let alone fist-fighting over one.

Or perhaps it was when all of the Idols took the stage for a hokey, pyrotechnic shooting rendition of Lee Greenwood's "Proud to Be an American." It felt a bit like the Icecapades without the ice. Whenever it was--maybe during the Bee Gee's medley--I decided I'd finally had enough.
The horror. The horror.

8/07/2003

Must see tv.

Ladies and gentlemen, set your VCRs (or Tivos, if you're more technologically advanced than I am.) JKRank of Sofia Sideshow has a project airing on SciFi this Saturday night: Deep Shock. Features giant, evil electric eels, melting polar ice caps, nuclear warheads, and a villain named Chomsky (near-choked on my diet root beer over that one.) Critters gone bad!

Update 8/8: spelling correction. Gentlement?

8/06/2003

Enterprise.

Just saw my first episode.

1) Theme song sucks. Words fail me in describing just how much.

2) They have turned the Klingons into a culture of lawyers, and forced them to operate their "tribunal" according to the rules of modern American jurisprudence. If I may be permitted a descent into full geekdom, I would like to point out that a Klingon trial of an outsider would probably more closely resemble either a Soviet show trial or Judge Roy Bean, trial to be followed by execution and lunch.

3) I was told this was supposed to be closer in spirit to the original series. I didn't realize this was limited to recycling old TOS plots with a patina of TNG socialism.

And I still hate those fucking prosthetic foreheads.

This show sucks.
True confessions.

Ok...I have to come clean. I'm not actually reading any of the books at the bottom of the page right now because I took a fiction break to read the entire Flashman series by George Macdonald Fraser. Then I kind of got distracted by I, Claudius. And I'm still in the middle of Livy's Early History of Rome, but I've been messing around with that for six months.

Phew, that's better. I was starting to feel like a fraud.

8/04/2003

Britain's mass bastardy.

Theodore Dalrymple's phrase, not mine. But I like it. Dalrymple looks at the revolution in British manners and the erosion of restraint in modern culture in general.
Buzzword of the day: Peterpandemonium.

I had a pretty good childhood, but I don't want to relive it, and this is just creepy:
London has become a magnet for young men and women determined to relive their childhoods. Every weekend thousands of twentysomethings dress up in school uniforms, to go clubbing at School Disco. People from all walks of life - doctors, computer programmers, hairdressers, lawyers - enthusiastically embrace this retro nostalgia. The young men in white shirts and blazers and the young women in short 'school' shirts take great delight in pretending that they are naughty teenagers having a snog on the dance floor. The School Disco scene has spread northwards, to Newcastle and Leeds; in February 2002, the School Disco Spring Term album went to number one in the charts.
God save us from the people who peaked in high school and don't ever want to leave. It gets worse:
Retro nostalgia is not just an Anglo-American phenomenon. 'Hello Kitty', a white kitten whose trademark is a flower or red bow, is hugely popular among Japanese adults. Female professionals and office workers bring Kitty stationery into the office; when they hit the bars they chat on their Kitty mobiles and offer cigarettes from their Kitty cigarette cases to businessmen wearing Snoopy neckties.
I do not get the whole "Hello Kitty" thing. There's something wrong with having a cartoon themed cigarette case. Personally it gives me sort of a combination Norma Desmond/pedophilia case of the willies.
Our society is full of lost boys and girls hanging out at the edge of adulthood. Yet we find it difficult even to give them a name. The absence of a readily recognised word to describe these infantilised adults demonstrates the unease with which this phenomenon is greeted. Advertisers and toy manufacturers have invented the term 'kidult' to describe this segment of the market. Another word sometimes used to describe these 20- to 35-year-olds is 'adultescent', generally defined as someone who refuses to settle down and make commitments, and who would rather go on partying into middle age.
Give it a snazzy label and it's mainstream. This would seem to be part and parcel of the neo-barbarian youth culture that believes in the twin virtues of piercing and unemployment. Or maybe I'm just reacting to this with horror because I'm hitting middle age and these are the people who were supposed to keep society going when I'm old. That's going to be difficult to do if you can't pry the fucking Nintendo controllers out of their pudgy little fingers before 40. Three pieces of advice for the 20 somethings:

1) Buy clothing that covers all your private parts. Nobody wants to see that shit.
2) Take that bone out of your nose, Shaka. This ain't Borneo in the 1800s. Nobody wants to see that shit either.
3) Move out of your parents' basement, even if it means leaving the big screen and the Playstation and selling off your mint condition Star Wars figures.

You'll thank me later.

[via Arts & Letters Daily.]
Cultural backwater, or Irony, USA?

So Sunday I'm here watching Key Largo on the big screen from the balcony. On the way out the elderly ladies next to my friend Jim and I start chatting about the movie.
Lady A: So did you like it? I know you don't care for these shoot-em-ups.

Lady B: Well...it was ok.

Lady A: You'll like the one next week better.
I checked the schedule. Next week is Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. Better than Key Largo.

You make the call.

8/02/2003

Huzzah.

Courtesy of Andrea Harris, all hail the return of Sine Qua Non. Adjust your links accordingly.

7/30/2003

More casting from What The Hell, Inc.

I already have a problem with Tim "Underlit" Burton directing the remake of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (aka Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory to non-readers.) Now he's in the process of killing whatever hopes I might have cherished of it not becoming another ill-conceived Burton Gothfest through his possible choices for the lead (well...if you think of Wonka as the lead, anyway): Michael Keaton, Christopher Walken, and--most likely at the moment--Johnny Depp. Now, it's not that I don't think all three are fine actors. And God knows, they're all quirkily charming enough to pull off the character. But none of them are British. For a project they're touting as an attempt to be faithful to the story, and therefore "not a remake" of the 1971 movie, shouldn't they start with an English cast?

7/29/2003

But when can I actually see the movie here in Dullsville?

Bubba Ho-Tep trailer.

7/28/2003

Fuckwits of the month.

MSNBC, for naming Mike Piazza as their "whiner of the week", based on a widely-discredited (and vehemently denied by Piazza himself) Pete Caldera article from Sunday that alleges that anonymous sources "close to him" said that Mike Piazza said he didn't want to play for the Mets anymore:
There should be a rule that only athletes who are actually playing can complain about the way their team is going. One of the most annoying things to hear is a player who’s been injured since the Reagan administration crying about how he doesn’t want to play anymore for the team he’s not playing for anyway.
Mike Piazza, our Whiner of the Week, hasn’t played for the New York Mets since May, when he tore a groin muscle that will keep him out until sometime in August. The Mets have been awful in his absence, but that’s not Piazza’s gripe.

According to The Bergen Record, Piazza has begun crying that he doesn’t want to go into the Mets’ clubhouse and he wants to be traded. Apparently, part of his animosity dates back to New York manager Art Howe mentioning off-handedly to the media before Piazza was hurt that maybe it was time for the catcher to start taking ground balls at first base.

Howe wasn’t breaking news. Piazza is one of the worst defensive catchers in the game,
Wrong. Granted, he throws like a girl. If that were all there was to catcher defense, this jackass might have a point.
and last year his offensive numbers fell drastically as he battled injuries.
Yeah, and he still ended up at the top of the catcher heap offensively. Gee, at this rate of decline he might hit like a league average catcher in another ten years or so.
He’s in the line-up for his bat, and many have long said he should either move to first or be traded to the American League, where he can DH.
"Many" have also said Jorge Posada's a great catcher. "Many" are idiots.
The problem is that Piazza wants to break all the offensive records for catchers so he can go in the Hall of Fame.
He's already smashed so many of them, the catcher HR record is just a cherry on the cake of his career. He's going to the HOF, like it or not. And he says the record isn't as important as the team, so why are you crediting someone who won't attach his name to the story over Piazza himself?
Some might call it selfish.
"Some", like "Many", are mouth-breathing morons.
Piazza and the Mets issued predictable denials of the story, with the Mets catcher whining more about the coverage. "I guess I’m the monkey this week?," Piazza asked. "That’s pretty funny.

"You’ve got to fill lines with something, right? It’s like I’m not even playing and I’m the monkey. It’s kind of cute. I guess it’s flattering, really. It’s kind of like, how do you answer something so far-fetched? It really makes no sense."
Then there's the idea that Caldera and his anonymous "sources" are just muckracking for all their pitiful lives are worth.
He’s had little to do with the team all year, and he’s in no position to cry about having to play for a team that’s done nothing but treat him like a baseball deity.
Nor has he. MSNBC hasn't done shit about covering the team, either, but that doesn't stop them from having their idiotic--and, tellingly, anonymous--say.
Not long ago, he was saying he wouldn’t move to the American League and wouldn’t move to first. Now he’s saying he’ll move anywhere. If we were a Mets fan -- if any such animals even exist -- we’d help him pack.
You don't have the nuts, guts, or brains to be a Mets fan, pisher. I'm guessing your tastes run more to soccer.

Note that there's no way to leave MSNBC feedback for this irresponsible dreck. Sports journalism--the biggest oxymoron since jumbo shrimp.
Exorcism.

Rumor has it the Reds are going to fire both The Devil and his right-hand imp (Bowden and Boone) at noon-thirty today. Three cheers and a tiger.

Of course, the attendant implication that they're going to let Ray Knight manage the team in the interim is like a dog returning to its vomit.

7/23/2003

Amazon shipment.

On the viewing schedule for tonight: The Master of Ballantrae (1953) and Zulu (1964).

7/22/2003

Satisfactory.

Uday and Qusay are dead.
Feeling vaguely uncomfortable now.

I just added a link to my bloated Amazon wishlist over on the left. I feel like I just asked strangers for money.
Newly identified ethnic group migrating north.

Identified as "Dismayed Americans" (Americanus Disgruntulus?) in this CNN article, at least four US citizens ["A husband and wife in Minnesota, a college student in Georgia, a young executive in New York", as the sentence fragment identies them.] are planning to move to the Great White North in order to glom onto "free" healthcare and officially sanctioned gay marriage.
"For me, it's a no-brainer," said Mollie Ingebrand, a puppeteer from Minneapolis who plans to go to Vancouver with her lawyer husband and 2-year-old son.
Oh, dear God. We've already driven most of the mimes north. What are we going to do when all the puppeteers have gone? Who will be left to mock?
"It's the most amazing opportunity I can imagine. To live in a society where there are different priorities in caring for your fellow citizens."
What kind of puppets does she work with, I wonder? I mean, are we talking about full-blown marionettes, or is she climbing into a big latex dinosaur suit or something? Finger puppets? Punch & Judy? Kukla and Ollie? What?
For decades, even while nurturing close ties with the United States, Canadians have often chosen a different path -- establishing universal health care, maintaining ties with Cuba, imposing tough gun control laws.
Saddling Alberta with paying for everyone else's healthcare, supporting that twisted fuck Castro in his quest to keep his entire populace dumb and miserable, and interfering with the rights of their populace to defend themselves. Ahh--paradise.
Two current Canadian initiatives, to decriminalize marijuana and legalize same-sex marriage, have pleased many liberals in the United States and irked conservatives.
I wouldn't say I'm irked, really. Just indifferent and quite glad I don't live there. Skipping a bit.
Mollie Ingebrand, 34, said she has felt an affinity for Canada for many years, fueled partly by respect for its health care system.
Health care pop quiz: which of the following countries recently experienced a serious SARS outbreak:

a) Canada
b) the US

Answer: not the US.
Her doubts about the United States go back even further, to a childhood spent with liberal parents in a relatively conservative part of Ohio.

"In school I was always told this is the best country on earth, and everyone else wants to be American, and that never really rang true to me," she said.
Because your liberal parents told you otherwise?
"As I got older, it occurred to me there were other choices."
Of course there are, you ninny. As long as you don't mind lowering your standard of living.
At Georgia State, Hodges [the college student--K] said some conservative schoolmates have challenged his proposed move to Canada, saying he would be abandoning his homeland.

Conversely, Mollie Ingebrand says some of her friends -- people who share her left-of-center views -- argue that she should stay at home to battle for changes here.

"I've been there and done that," Molly said. "I don't want to stay and fight anymore. I can have that bittersweet love for my country from somewhere else."
Snark. Yeah. Right.
Morning spit take.

Courtesy of Silvio Berlusconi in Time magazine [via The Corner]:
What do you really think of German tourists? Ich bin ein Berliner.
Don't ever change, Silvio.

7/16/2003

What the hell have I been doing?

I took off all last week to lay around the old home place with my family, play some music, read, buy a new car, and go to a bunch of movies.

T3: In the immortal words of my friend Suzanne, I was happy, my expectations were low. Shwarzenegger looks surprisingly close to T2 form; I was expecting big saggy manboobs, but either they did some amazing CGI work on his pecs or he actually managed to get back into something close to his 1991 form. The chick cyborg was more effective than I expected, and the mayhem is non-stop. There were some stupid moments, but overall I think I liked it about as well as T2 (The Terminator is a cut above either; T2 might have been on a par with it if Cameron had been able to control himself and spare us the infamous thumbs-up gesture as Arnie melts into a big pile of molten goo at the end.)

Pirates of the Caribbean (twice): Geoffrey Rush and Johnny Depp chew the scenery with gleeful abandon, while Orlando Bloom turns in a somewhat uneven performance (with a couple of nice comedic moments) as the Flynn du jour. Keira Knightly manages to be feisty without becoming overwhelmingly annoying. I am admittedly biased in favor of pirate movies, and this one might even be good enough to rescue the genre from oblivion. It's not "Against All Flags" or "The Sea Hawk", but it's not bad.

The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen: Sean Connery does the Alan Quatermain thing, Stuart Townsend plays an hilariously arch Dorian Gray. Lots of suspension of disbelief (and common sense) necessary (really, just how deep do they think the canals are in Venice?) but the visuals are nice, the action is rousing, and the comic relief isn't overplayed.

The Hulk: Don't be misled by the cheesy trailer. It's good, and the closest to the actual feel of a Marvel comic of all the comicbook movies, the more so because of the way Ang Lee deliberately uses comicbook transitions between scenes and multipanel shots. The people who didn't like the angsty nature of the hero and the lack of non-stop action probably didn't read the comics much. Better than Spiderman, better (in some ways) than the X-men movies (not to damn them with faint praise.)
My new car.




Picked it up on the 5th and just broke 1500 miles. Heh.
My new favorite website.

From an initial prod from James Lileks' column today, a great collection of quasi-musical drek. Includes a link to a video of William Shatner performing "Rocket Man" circa 1978. Is there a German term for mingled horror and delight?

7/05/2003

Updates soon.

Vacation, new car, moviegoing, more forthcoming.

6/26/2003

Just a thought.

The current anti-tobacco PSAs that feature various obnoxious teenagers with enunciation problems make me want to smoke. Desperately.

6/24/2003

O...k.

On the recommendation of a friend (Rick), I checked out Tough Crowd on Comedy Central.

Holy mother of God, these people are politically retarded.

Now, I knew going in that I was going to be dealing with political opinions from comedians, but damn--out of 4 guests and a host, did they ALL have to be raving leftists? Couldn't we have one token conservative guy, maybe Dennis Miller? One guy (Jake Johannsen) actually complained about the T-ball league Bush has play on the lawn at the white house, saying he ought to be spending the time he spent on the T-ball game tending to the economy (and apparently all his other waking moments as well.) And yet, it was just jim dandy for Clinton to waste his time banging interns in the Oval Office, apparently. The token chick (Judy Gold) was an embarrassment; her main complaint seemed to be that we shouldn't have invaded Iraq unless we were prepared to invade every other dictatorship on earth, and that we just invaded Iraq for--you guessed it--OIIIIIIIILLLLL. I don't have the time to waste on this crap. I could be reading Flashman and the Mountain of Light in my quest to avoid my copy of the new Harry Potter.

Verdict: pollice verso.
Shame on you, Jon Stewart.

Watching what I can only assume is a re-run of the Daily Show, possibly from last night, possibly earlier, on Comedy Central, and he's reporting on the extension of child tax credits to families making less than $24,000 a year--and he doesn't mention that these people don't pay income tax in the first damn place. Ain't partisanship grand?

6/19/2003

In boca al lupo.

Tim Blair is right: Silvio Berlusconi rocks.
Berlusconi slaps down France over Israel trip

ROME, June 17 — Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi told France on Tuesday it should ''shut up'' about his Middle East policy, further straining relations with Paris just as Italy is preparing to take over the European Union presidency.
''They missed a good opportunity to shut up,'' Berlusconi told reporters in response to French criticism of his decision not to meet Palestinian leaders during a recent trip to Israel.
French Foreign Minister Dominique de Villepin said this week that Berlusconi had ''not satisfied the European position'' by holding talks only with Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon during his June 9 visit to Jerusalem.
''I went (to Israel) as the prime minister of Italy. There's no way France can issue criticism over something that was the sole right and responsibility of the Italian prime minister,'' Berlusconi said, clearly bristling with irritation.
So much for playing Io to France's Jupiter.

With US tourism to France on a sharp decline, allow me to suggest our ally, Italy, as an excellent European vacation alternative. They're friendlier, they're funnier, they cook better, and they don't sing through their noses.

6/16/2003

Matrix Reloaded

Greg finally talked me into seeing it over the weekend. I really don't see why it excited all the bad reviews. Yes, Keanu Reeves has exactly one facial expression and the same vocal inflections he sported in Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure--but that's not exactly a departure from the first film, is it? For all I can tell, that's why they hired him. There was a substantial cheese factor in the action sequences, which bore more resemblance to dance numbers than actual fights--but that's not really a departure either. I didn't think it was unbearably talky, either (in fact, the dialogue was possibly less annoyingly pseudo-intellectual than the first installment). Stuff blowed up real good. Much black leather was worn, and much sunglass. There was a plethora of Hugo Weaving. This is all good. So what's with the bitchfest?

And please, I don't want to hear "they left the ending hanging." You KNOW it's the middle movie in a trilogy. Of course they left it hanging. Thank your lucky stars this isn't another Lucas wait-five-years-for-the-disappointing-ending-while-your-stars-age-beyond-recognition production.

6/12/2003

Welcome to has-been Hell.

Via Drudge (where the picture makes him look startlingly like Tim Robbins): Adam Ant arrested.
LONDON (Reuters) - Former British pop star Adam Ant has been arrested after apparently running amok and stripping off in a London cafe.

Police said on Thursday they had arrested a 49-year-old man on suspicion of criminal damage, while The Sun newspaper showed pictures of the former 1980s heartthrob being held by two burly policemen, a blanket wrapped around his waist.

Newspapers said Ant, real name Stuart Goddard, had "gone berserk" near his north London home on Wednesday before stripping off his trousers in the cafe.

The outburst follows an episode last summer when he threatened customers at his local pub who had laughed at his cowboy attire. He walked free from court in October after judges ruled he was suffering from temporary mental illness.
Walked free? That was a cry for help. If they cared, they'd have committed him to a term on "What Not To Wear".
Ant's career saw him selling 15 million records, including punk-pop hits like "Prince Charming" and "Stand and Deliver." Police said he had been released on bail until mid-July.
That's the most offensive thing in the article: "punk-pop"? Adam Ant? If he was punk the Backstreet Boys have street cred.
And there was much rejoicing.

CBS Sportsline says the Mets finally bit the bullet and fired GQ, replacing him with Jim Duquette in the interim. None too soon, either; his lame ass should have preceded Valentine's out the door.

6/10/2003

That's the last time I order anything delivered.

I am officially a freak magnet.

My pizza delivery guy last night spent twenty minutes on my front porch telling me his supposed life story. How he's not only a mathmatical genius (this came up during the change-and-tip exchange), but a big rock star--the guy who was supposed to replace David Lee Roth in Van Halen, no less--who's had amnesia since '86 because his ex-wife hired some thugs to crush his skull (or, alternatively, whose ex-wife merely knew about an outside conspiracy to crush his skull--that part was pretty murky), and who just recently found out who he was because the parents of the heiress to the Iams dog food fortune spent $10,000 on a background search because said heiress was desperately interested in dating him. David Lee Roth and Bob & Tom (of The Bob & Tom Show) are also involved in the tale of woe; apparently Diamond Dave was desperately looking for this guy to go on tour with him and Sammy Hagar, and using the Bob & Tom show to put out a call for this guy to come pick up a check for $100,000,000 (yes--one hundred million dollars) for what they owed him (it was unclear precisely what they owed him *for*, but there was some reference to a t-shirt design that evidently made the fortunes of the band--who knew? All this time I thought it was the albums.) He's also apparently the only man the Earnhardt family will ever let drive car #3 in public again, but there's some kind of conspiracy on the part of Van Halen to keep him off the NASCAR circuit for another six months or so, because there's some kind of technicality requiring that he complete his first NASCAR race by the age of 48. Oh, and "Forrest Gump" was based on his life story. I'm not really that easily spooked, but I was thoroughly wigged out by the time the guy got the hell off my porch and drove off. And my pizza was stone cold.

So I spent the rest of the night with the doors locked and my gun close at hand, because the phrase "if you can't get in the front door, go around the back" cropped up a couple of times in reference to the machinations of his Salt Lake City lawyer trying to get him his cut of Van Halen's money. It doesn't help that I live in the weird crime epicenter of Ohio, and now a certifiable nutbar has my address and phone number. Bleah.

6/09/2003

Poet's corner.

Kevin Parrott, the brooding poet at Hep to the Jive, has published an hilarious ode to Time-Warner Cable.
Fat Rajah still balked at 299.

Thanks, Karros.

What? I hope you didn't think I was going to be gracious about it.

6/05/2003

HA!

Via Dean Esmay: Howell Raines resigned.

And I thought the little SOB was going to skate. He probably did too.

6/04/2003

My burning question answered.

Thank God for Tim Blair and Stefan Sharkansky.
it's Lileks as in lie'-licks almost like lilacs, not Lileks as in lill'-ucks.
Bern, you were right. Go to the head of the class.

6/02/2003

Wailing and gnashing of teeth dept.

With all due respect to my dear friend Angela, the consummate Braves fan, the Braves displayed their justly famous good sportsmanship in the wake of a losing weekend series at Shea:
Atlanta pitchers were furious after the game with the Questec Umpire Information System, saying it caused plate umpire Lance Barksdale to shrink the strike zone on them.
In other words, they didn't get the specialized Braves Strike Zonetm, which is traditionally the size of Rhode Island.
"I wish I was close to the machine, so I could break it,'' said Ray King, who gave up a go-ahead single to Rey Sanchez. "The umps are more worried about the machine than calling the game.''
Translation: "The umps were more worried about not being exposed as our paid lackeys than they were about our win/loss record."
Eight days earlier in Phoenix, Arizona pitcher Curt Schilling attacked a Questec camera. The commissioner's office has not determined whether to discipline him.
Unless they want a rash of equipment loss, they'd better. Duh.
"This system is one of the worst things that has happened in baseball,'' said Darren Holmes, who gave up Burnitz's homer on a 3-1 pitch. "They are going to feel ramifications because of the system. it's a joke.''
Actually, Darren, I'd say you were the one feeling the ramifications. From where I sit the feeling's pure Chuck Mangione so far. Feels so good.

5/28/2003

Lest I be accused of film snobbery...

I did see X2: X-Men United over the holiday, and I liked it very much. Better than Spiderman (and I quite dug the look of Spidey, but it must be said: Tobey Maguire has a nerd voice. And what the hell was up with Kirsten Dunst's teeth?) I thought the continuity with the first film was good*, the acting was decent, and I wasn't seized with an urge to punch Patrick Stewart like I usually am, probably because they didn't give him any extended soliloquies to perform and the wheelchair limited his Heroic Posing options. On the whole, I was able to suspend my disbelief and plunge in, and that's all I ask of an action flick.

*Admittedly, I'm not a nitpicker in this area when it comes to comic book movies, so don't leave any lists of continuity errors in the comments unless they're really amusing. And no, I will not use the term "graphic novel", since I was born before 1970.
Bruce Almighty review.

Well-written, scathing review in the Washington Post. I have no personal animus against Jim Carrey, apart from the fact that I find him too antic to watch half the time and don't share his love of the butt joke, but a number of red flags went up on this one. The director from Patch Adams? To quote a friend's reaction, "Yikes."
Strange Bedfellows Dept.

Bob Geldof: "Clinton was a good guy, but he did fuck all."

Well, he's half right.

[Link via the Corner.]

5/27/2003

Flash in the pan.

Lileks panned Matrix 2. I haven't seen it, but I'm not really inclined to, as I don't care for invulnerable protagonists. Neo's Deus Ex Machina man, like Harry Potter on steroids, and the villains aren't interesting enough to make me want to see it. Pass.

5/23/2003

Paging Canute.

Vlad Putin is planning to micro-manage the weather in St. Petersburg, seeding the clouds with dry ice so that it'll rain before they get to the city in order to ensure dry weather for his summit and the celebration of the 300th anniversary of St. Petersburg. Doesn't seem quite sporting, somehow. [Via Drudge.]

Not earth-shattering, just interesting.

5/22/2003

What I don't want to see covered on the news.

Reality TV (Survivor, American Idol, The Bachelor, blah blah f'n blah.) If I cared I would watch it. The line between reality and tv is blurry enough without acting like this crap matters.

Professional gravytraining.

Angela pointed me to this bit of Clintonia in the NY Post gossip section (5/22/03 edition):
With opening day less than two years away, officials at the Clinton Presidential Library Foundation are putting up so-called "Bill" boards along major highways leading to Little Rock, Ark., as well as in Memphis, Tenn., where foundation director Skip Rutherford is involved in partnership talks with Graceland, The Hill newspaper reports. Rutherford's theory is that anyone interested in touring The King's mansion will want to drive 140 miles south to learn more about Clinton because "Elvis was the president's musical hero," he explains. The Clinton Library plans to stage a special preview exhibit of Clinton's collection of Presley records, scheduled for later this year at Little Rock's Cox Creative Center. "He had records, memorabilia, all kinds of things," Rutherford says. "Clinton was 'Elvis.' That's what the press nicknamed him. I think there's a natural linkage."
The only natural linkage between those guys is an unnatural love of porkrinds. Spare me.
Nitpickery.

Even the great James Lileks is not immune to inadvertent transpositions:
Recall that classic line from the classic Bogey movie “The Maltese Falcon,” spoken classically by Bogie to Elijah Wood: the cheaper the gunsel, the gaudier the patter.
Of course that would be Elisha Cook, Jr., not Elijah Wood. The mental image of Bogart exchanging hardboiled cracks with a hobbit is hilarious, though.

5/21/2003

Those sophisticated Europeans.

Via Psycho Muse on Museblog, this Hollywood Reporter account of the swanky goings-on at Cannes:
Guests were waiting in a line to allow VIPs to go up the red carpet for the opening of Francois Ozon's "Swimming Pool." As they shuffled along, waiting their turn to climb the stairs, a prominent financier and another colleague felt something like rain on their legs. Looking down, they saw that a well-dressed woman in front of them was urinating on the carpet, oblivious of those around her. Said the financier, "I skipped the film and went home to change and wash my legs." The offender continued on into the cinema.

(You people have no idea how much self-control was required not to make the obvious pun on 'European' here.)

5/20/2003

Hey.

I republished my archives this morning, and they're kinda half-assed working. Neat.
Obligatory Mets content.

As of Friday, Piazza's out with a nearly-torn groin muscle (cringing as I type that), probably for a couple of months. I delayed bothering to post about it because the season started out so pissy I'm already well beyond wailing and gnashing of teeth. If Piazza can't catch anymore (and I think that's a possibility that deserves some serious consideration), I'd like to see him traded to the AL as a DH, but the injury and his impending 5/10 status makes that a real hard sell. So it looks like we're stuck with an aging, injury-hobbled former superstar and a collection of assorted stiffs. Tom Glavine's probably about ready to call the Braves with a heartfelt mea culpa right about now.

And that's about all I've got to say about that. Sidelining Piazza seems to have relieved whatever pressure the team was feeling and they've been playing looser (at least for the past couple of games.) Time to kick back with a cold one and see how this develops.

5/19/2003

Well, that came out of nowhere.

Ari Fleischer resigned. He'll be gone come July, according to the AP. Now waiting for the follow-up scandal.

[Link via LGF.]
All I needed to know about Janeane Garofalo.

From an interview in The Progressive :
Q: Do you think it's possible to have a liberal media network?

Garofalo: It is possible. What's not possible is to penetrate the wall of opposition. The myth is it can't work. Phil Donahue was working, but MSNBC took it off for their own rightwing agenda. [emphasis mine--K]
The point of Donahue being cancelled was that he wasn't working. His ratings, which were measured by the same tools they use to measure every other show on television, were abysmal, therefore they took him off the air. The fact that Garofalo needs to explain the workings of the market to herself with a right-wing conspiracy theory is just pathetic.

[Interview link via Andrea Harris on Spleenville.]

5/16/2003

Lady Thatcher.

"There are too many people who imagine that there is something sophisticated about always believing the best of those who hate your country, and the worst of those who defend it."
Just read it. Why are the British so much better at public speaking than we are? [Via the American Scene, 5/16.]

5/15/2003

Eric Idle not quite dead yet.

In fact, he's writing and directing a Merchant-Ivory parody, "The Remains of the Piano", which has a fairly impressive cast in addition to Idle: Geoffrey Rush, Anjelica Huston, Patrick Stewart, Catherine O'Hara, Orlando Bloom, Alfred Molina, Neve Campbell, Billy Connolly, Tim Curry, Michael York, Julian Sands, Will Kemp and Jim Piddock.

So Julian Sands isn't dead either. Good to know. [Hat tip to Paula for the heads up.]
We can all relax now.

Bernadine alerted me that Mo has checked in; he was just running around getting fourth and fifth opinions on his knee and trying to disassociate himself from the on-field disaster that is the Mets. Best line, though:
The Post reported exclusively yesterday that Vaughn probably would not return to action in 2003, according to someone familiar with his situation. Team officials refuse to speculate publicly.
Exclusively, yet. Like the idea that he probably won't play again hadn't occurred to anyone else. Pfffft.

5/14/2003

The show that never ends.

Mooo Vaughn is missing. Even his parents claim they don't know where he is. What the hell is wrong with this team?

5/13/2003

Oh, just shut the hell up.

Gary Carter wants Piazza to move to first. This is because Gary Carter is insanely jealous of Piazza, a likely first-ballot HOFer due to his prodigious offense as a catcher.
"I can't think it would be any worse or any different if he agreed to play first base," Carter said. "He made one throw that hit in front of the mound. There was a game against the Marlins where they stole six bases. Is that worse than missing one or two grounders at first base?"
Ok, Gar, you tell me: would you rather give up a base or an out?
You can expect we have some kind of plan.

NY Post (it was the best of coverage, it was the worst of coverage):
Mike Piazza took about 10 minutes of grounders at first base before 2 p.m. yesterday as part of the Mets' early workout group. Manager Art Howe, wary of his previous comments on the subject, downplayed the event, however.
Inference: he looked like shit.
Piazza wouldn't comment before the game and after the 9-6 victory repeatedly answered three or four questions about it with, "We'll get back to you on that one."
Translation: I looked like shit.
There was tension in the visiting manager's office as reporters asked Howe about the subject, and media relations vice president Jay Horwitz later said Piazza would not speak about it. The decision to take grounders was up to Piazza, Howe said.

"Nothing to make out of it," Howe said. "Just the first day."
Translation: he looks like shit.
Added infield coach Matt Galante, who hit the grounders, "It wasn't a big deal. It wasn't a question of how he looked."
Translation: he looked like shit.
Howe said there was no timetable on the situation and added, "He's a long way from ever getting at first base in a game. I'll let you know when he's getting close to playing in a game there."
Translation: he looked like shit.
Assistant GM Jim Duquette, on the trip instead of Steve Phillips, was slightly more forthcoming.

"You can expect we have some kind of plan," Duquette said. "The first step is we'll see if he can play first base before we put him over there."
And then we'll put him over there anyway. Even though he looks like shit.

For the record, re moving Piazza to first, if Joel Sherman's for it, I'm against it. Period.

5/09/2003

It's like watching them set themselves on fire.

Pretending to sympathize with Piazza now that the Mets have submarined him regarding a move to first base, Bob Klapisch actually seizes on the opportunity to advocate trading the Mets' best player to the AL--for the good of the team, of course. (See also Mike Lupica's recent column, which was badly written enough to have been written by Klapieceofshit himself. And can I just ask, is it even possible for Lupica to write a column on the Mets without forcing it through a pinstriped filter first? How does a column ostensibly written about Piazza suddenly become an advocacy piece for the flailing Giambi?)

There's plenty of blame to be apportioned for the current fiasco. To Howe for being so incredibly inept at handling the media (at the moment I’m not ready to attribute to malice what can be reasonbly explained by wretched stupidity.) To the NY press for raising their annual hue and cry about Piazza moving to first to a fever pitch due to the team’s abysmal start—like forcing him to move to first is suddenly going to make everyone else do their jobs. And most of all, to the Wilpons and GM Steve Phillips for not addressing the situation during Spring training, when it would have behooved them to have Piazza start working on making the move. It’s not like this is a novel idea; it’s been bandied about since Piazza came to the team in ’98 and they got a good look at his throwing arm.

The fact is, Piazza is not a great athlete. He’s a great hitter, and God knows he tries, but he’s not particularly gifted, physically. He doesn’t know where his feet are most of the time. Moving him to first base isn’t going to be like moving Biggio to second, or even like moving Zeile from third to first. It’s going to be like moving Hundley to left field. And the people who witness it—particularly if they force Piazza to move mid-season—are going to be brutally judgmental; Mets fans are not known for their deep sympathy and sweet, understanding natures. The NY press, who love nothing better than a good feeding frenzy, will call for a trade—as Klapisch and Lupica have already done—and the team, who apparently see nothing wrong with letting team policy be driven by public opinion, will trade the best hitter they’ve ever had, most likely for a handful of magic beans, to appease them, bringing what was supposed to have been a golden era to a sad and tatty end.

Every year they make it harder to stand by them. Every fucking year.

5/06/2003

Embracing my inner geek.

Via Variety (login may be required, I'm not sure), Indiana Jones will be coming to DVD on Nov. 4th. Pertinent factoids: 4 disc set, all 3 movies. THX digitally remastered, wide- and full-screen versions, Dolby 5.1 remastered soundtracks. $50 anticipated pricetag. Disc o' goodies with interviews, possible deleted stuff.

5/05/2003

It's good to be the king.

Also via Drudge, Prince William wants to come live in the US for a couple of years, putting his art history degree to use at an auction house. Article chiefly notable for the mention of his pickup line, "Hi, I'm the future king, wanna pull?"

I was going to say it couldn't hurt to have Britain's monarch on our side in a crisis, then I remembered they don't actually do much of anything useful. But what the hell; it couldn't hurt his character development to have a real job, either.
Looting the UN cafeteria.

I'll just say this: I want Kofi Annan presented with the bill for all the stuff that was stolen, including the silverware. Fucking ridiculous behavior. [Link via Drudge.]
Nailing Norman.

Dennis Miller examines Norman Mailer like something he scraped off the sole of his shoe in the WSJ opinion journal.

5/03/2003

Media critique.

Johnathan Foreman in the Weekly Standard on why the reportage from Baghdad has been so grotesquely inaccurate:
Perhaps this is just another case of reporters with an anti-American or antiwar agenda. Perhaps living in Saddam's totalitarian Baghdad has left some of the press here with a case of Stockholm syndrome. It may also be a byproduct of depending on interpreters and fixers who were connected to or worked with the approval of the Saddam regime. And you cannot underestimate the herd instinct that can take over when you have a lot of media folk in a confined area for any length of time. But whatever the cause, the result has been very selective reporting.
Why, tell us more, Johnathan.
The Associated Press's Hamza Hendawi, for instance, massively exaggerated and misrepresented the nature of the looting in Baghdad in the first days after the U.S. armored forces took key points in the city. Like so many Baghdad-based reporters, she described an "unchecked frenzy" that did not exist at that time (the looting was targeted and nonviolent, in the sense that the looters attacked neither persons nor inhabited dwellings). Read her pieces and you'll meet a veritable parade of Iraqis who are angry with the United States.

Then there were those exaggerated reports of April 18 claiming (as Reuters' Hassan Hafidh put it) that "Tens of thousands of protesters demanded on Friday that the United States get out of Iraq. . . . In the biggest protest since U.S. forces toppled Saddam Hussein's iron-fisted, 24-year-long rule nine days ago, Muslims poured out of mosques and into the streets of Baghdad, calling for an Islamic state to be established." Demonstrators did come out of one mosque, but reporters seem to have confused them with the large numbers of Shia Muslims gathering for the pilgrimage to Karbala--a pilgrimage long forbidden by the Saddam regime.
Reporters who don't have any idea what they're looking at? I'm shocked. Shocked.
More irritating is the myth constantly repeated by antiwar columnists that the military let the city be destroyed--in particular the hospitals and the national museum--while guarding the Ministry of Oil. The museum looting is turning out to have been grotesquely exaggerated. And there is no evidence for the ministry of oil story. Depending on the article, the Marines had either a tank or a machine gun nest outside the ministry. Look for a photo of that tank or that machine gun nest and you'll look in vain. And even if the Marines had briefly guarded the oil ministry it would have been by accident: The Marines defended only the streets around their own headquarters and so-called Areas of Operation. Again, though, given the pro-regime sources favored by so many of the press corps huddled in the Palestine Hotel, it's not surprising that this rumor became gospel.
I have a feeling I'm going to be pointing people to this article again and again. When I think about how readily the idea that the US guarded the oil ministry over the museum was swallowed by people who should have known better, it just pisses me off afresh. Not that my opinion of the press in general needed any lowering. (Link via Tainted Bill McCabe, who got it from Glenn Reynolds.)
My stomach hurts from laughing so hard.

Sheila A-stray at Redheaded Ramblings has posted one of the funniest, shrieking-with-laughter-so-loud-the-neighbors-think-I'm-being-murdered, tears-streaming-from-the-eyes things I've ever read. Not the collected slam reviews of Battlefield Earth I originally went to her blog to read (link via Dean Esmay), though those are hilarious, but the post about her acting experiences in truly horrendous plays. (Since it's Blogspot the links are fucked up. It's the 5/3 entry entitled "Battlefield Recap".) She's going on the blogroll.

5/01/2003

Neo-barbarians at the gates.

This is what the Australian universities are wasting their money on.
Last week, The Australian newspaper's brow-creasing Higher Education liftout carried a perfectly serious front-page story with a picture of a London artist wearing a corset over his face.

It reported, without a whinny of amazement, that Sydney's Macquarie University was hosting an international conference of academics, plus artists like this face-flattened Brit, to discuss "Body Modification: Changing Bodies, Changing Selves".

The conference organiser, Queer Studies lecturer Nikki Sullivan, explained that they would for three days discuss how we pierce, tattoo, brand, stretch, suction and slash our bodies, and how bad people are to judge us for doing so.

She raised the example of people volunteering to have a leg or arm amputated, simply because they do "not feel at ease with it, or would prefer the look or feel of a radically altered body".

It was wrong to dismiss such people, proudly hacking off their healthy limbs, as mentally ill. This was, as the paper put it, actually a "legitimate phenomenon".

"What is self-mutilation and what is body art -- that line is very unclear," said Sullivan, a mother with five tattoos and piercings in her nose and ears.
No, it isn't.
[snip]

Don't think Sullivan is on a frolic of her own deep in the flatulent bowels of Macquarie's Department of Critical and Cultural Studies. Let me demonstrate by giving you the titles of some of the other papers delivered at her conference, which is sponsored by the Cultural Studies Association of Australasia.

The show kicked off with "A Straight Boy's Experiences of Getting a Prince Albert Piercing (of his penis)", and not surprisingly moved on to "The Phallus as Freak-Show", followed by "White Trash Get Down on Your Knees, It's Time for Cake and Sodomy". An Indian academic then talked of this "Elective Amputation", before things perked up with "Performing Muscular Drag in Circus".

Then came "How to Murder Barbie, F... Mommy and Live Forever", and "Am I 'Becoming-Rat' or Losing My Ear?", Before the fun ended with "What an A..e Can Do", "He F...ed Me on National TV" and "I Make Myself in Hurting Myself".

Sullivan herself spoke on "Queer Ethics: On (Not) Reading the Face of Michael Jackson". And the keynote speaker was Del La Grace Volcano, a "queer, lesbian photographer" who became a "Gender Terrorist, an Intentional Mutation and Intersex by Design" -- a "he" who "subverts . . . the notion that only two genders exist, male and female".
And to think I giggled at the "Self and Other" PoMo conference they had at U of L when I was there as an undergrad in the early 80s. If they'd had a freak show like this I'd be obligated to torch my diploma as a worthless piece of garbage.

Queer Studies. Judas Priest, that'll get you a job in the real world.

[Via Tim Blair. The 5/02 entry, scroll to the post about Rupert Murdoch.]


Not quite sure what to make of this.

Janeane Garofalo will be starring (and I use that term inadvisedly) in Ash Tuesday, a movie about the immediate aftermath of 9/11. She'll play a woman who works in a health food store and doesn't want to leave her apartment. She does look like someone who would work in a health food store, at least.
Bring me the head of Steve Phillips.

Mike Lupica makes a compelling case for firing Steve Phillips (which frankly should have preceding Valentine's firing) in today's Daily News (with bonus Timeline of Shametm!)

Meanwhile, Mo Vaughn (note that I refrained from referring to him as "Moo" this time) teases Mets fans by hinting that he might retire, having suffered the ignominy of having to remove himself from a game after one at bat when he made himself nauseous by taking "supplements" on an empty stomach. The Mets, ladies and gentlemen. Baseball's brain trust.

4/30/2003

Bruce Springsteen's America.

This is somewhat old, but it came up recently on one of the Mets groups I'm in (time to talk about anything but the team), and I'd be somewhat remiss if I didn't mention it here. Bruce Springsteen thinks the quashing of the Dixie Chicks' dissent is "unAmerican":
The Dixie Chicks have taken a big hit lately for exercising their basic right to express themselves. To me, they're terrific American artists expressing American values by using their American right to free speech. For them to be banished wholesale from radio stations, and even entire radio networks, for speaking out is un-American.
To me, they're silly asses who tried to ingratiate themselves with a foreign audience by trashing the government that protects their right to be silly asses. NPR aside, radio is a business, not a public service. It is not incumbent on country radio to make sure they have a wide spectrum of political views represented on their playlists. (If it were, Steve Earle might get more airplay, the talented pinko commie bastard.)
The pressure coming from the government and big business to enforce conformity of thought concerning the war and politics goes against everything that this country is about - namely freedom.
What the fuck are you talking about? The pressure is coming from The People, and "big business" in this case is bowing to popular pressure. You think they like taking the Chicks out of rotation and having to look for a replacement? And just once I'd like to see a specific example of governmental pressure cited, rather than this infantile generalized scaremongering about the evil, shadowy Republican administration.
Right now, we are supposedly fighting to create freedom in Iraq, at the same time that some are trying to intimidate and punish people for using that same freedom here at home.
If people don't want to hear the Dixie Chicks, you can't force them. If it's no longer the will of the people to hear your music, sucks to be you. That's what freedom's all about, baby.
I don't know what happens next,
Dogs living with cats...
but I do want to add my voice to those who think that the Dixie Chicks are getting a raw deal, and an un-American one to boot. I send them my support.
Then buy a radio station and program the Chicks 24/7. Or write them a check. But don't tell the market what to do. That's un-American.

4/25/2003

Frank J. interviews Condoleeza Rice.

Frank: What do you think of today's military technology?

Rice: I think we have a huge technological advantage over our enemy. I mean they're a bunch of dumb turds with second hand AK-47's, and we have laser guided missiles that can fly through space. And, with our advance accuracy, we can avoid civilian casualties.

Frank: And it is the administration’s position to not kill children?

Rice: Yes, even the stupid smelly ones. That's why we have cruise missiles that can fly miles and miles and then accurately hit a target about the size of Michael Moore.

Frank: So why is Michael Moore still around.

Rice: He runs a lot faster than you'd think.
IMAO. Cutting edge blog journalism.

4/24/2003

"From director Rob Zombie."

That's a sentence fragment that should only occur when monkeys are given typewriters.
Jon Stewart re-ups with Comedy Central.

It's the smart move. Laurence Simon at Amish Tech Support lays out the reasons why he'd be an idiot to move to broadcast, which covets him:
Jimmy Kimmel went from Comedy Central's Man Show to that piece of shit he's got on Disney's ABC that stinks up the airwaves after Koppel.
Bill Maher got away with a lot of lefty gaffes when he was on HBO, but Disney wiped him out in spades when he screwed up on Disney's ABC. He's back on HBO, I believe.
Dennis Miller tried to go from an HBO series to Monday Night Football on Disney's ABC, then got bumped for some burned-out fat old guy
Wait... I see a pattern here... hold on... wait... wait for it...

Nope. Lost it. Must have just had Post Disney Traumatic Disorder there or something. Sorry.
In the same post Laurence also notes that Colin Quinn may have found his niche on Politically Incorrect. Haven't seen it, but the commercials do make it look interesting.

Update: The spelling of Mr. Stewart's first name corrected at Emily's behest.

4/23/2003

I am the consumer of worlds. Fear me.

As I have noted in comments elsewhere, humanity would require 9.6 planets if everybody lived like I do. Not that the quiz is biased, or anything. *cough*
DChix redux.

Drudge follows up the Dixie Chicks tempest in a teapot by excerpting bits of an interview they've done with Diane Sawyer that hasn't aired yet. [Link via Tainted Bill McCabe.] I don't have much in the way of commentary, except to note that they use the word "compassion" the way the Smurfs used "smurf" and its derivatives, and then there's this bit:
MAINES: …I ask questions. That's smart. That's intelligent. To find out facts not to just, 'Okay, we're going over here now.' I say, 'Why are we going over there?' And I don't mean to Iraq, I mean across the room. Since I was tiny, you've had to tell me why I have to do something…
Asking stupid questions isn't particularly smart, and certainly not when the answers to your questions have been spelled out, in detail, ad nauseam, for the prior several months. If you didn't know why we were going, it's not through any failure on the part of the president or his cabinet to spell it out for you so much as your failure to listen.
Cruel and funny.

My favorite combination. Via the essential Jim Treacher*, Fametracker's Ten Least Essential Summer Films. Note that I link to this list despite the fact that Pirates of the Caribbean comes in at number 6, higher than Bad Boys II (though I am not clear on whether that position means it's more or less likely to suck), and I am currently in serious denial about its potential hideosity because I really, really want to see a good pirate movie like Against All Flags, though I secretly suspect this may not be it. The involvement of Jerry Bruckheimer can't be a good thing.

*Judas Priest, is Blogspot ever going to fix the damn archive problem? First entry on 4/23/03.
Mickey Kaus on the museum looting.

Via David Nieporent's Jumping to Conclusions, though this passage wasn't his primary focus:
P.S.: I don't see why it gets the U.S. off the hook if the looting was an "inside job." You can protect against inside jobs too, by preventing things from leaving the building -- like priceless statues that take ten men to lift. The issue isn't who did the stealing, but whether or not we screwed up and failed to do what we could. To the extent that our forces were taking fire from the museum and unable to safely protect it, we obviously didn't screw up. To the extent our forces didn't even know for several days that there was a museum there to protect (but did know there was a bank), or to the extent they decided to protect water storage facilities and other infrastructure rather than art work, it was a screw-up. Islamic terrorists twenty years from now won't be wooing recruits with the story of how the evil Americans smashed a water storage facility. They will be telling them about how the Americans burned ancient copies of the Koran and destroyed the heritage of the Arab world. ...
They'll be lying, then, because it wasn't the Americans looting the museum, it was fellow Iraqis. I can't say it often enough: I do not give a shit about this because they robbed themselves, and if they were that concerned about preserving their cultural heritage, they could have done something about it themselves. Museums are not the US military's primary concern, nor should they be; those institutions that were protected by the military--yes, including the fucking oil ministry--are far more necessary to post-war efforts to rebuild the country's economic and political structure than the damn museum. The people who survived this war to bitch about the loss of their artifacts twenty years hence should count themselves lucky to be able to do so.

4/21/2003

Gents, doff your caps.

Nina Simone has died in France at the age of 70. [Via Drudge.]
Feet to the fire.

Steve H. at Little Tiny Lies follows up on the pre-war utterances of several anti-war celebrities. Behold a sample of the carnage:
Hmm…George Clooney. Let me begin by saying, “Solaris.” Saying Solaris to George Clooney is like running into an MSNBC board meeting and yelling “Donahue.” With that irrelevant yet satisfying insult behind me, let me remind everyone that George Clooney said we couldn’t beat the Iraqis. “We can’t beat anyone,” said Furious George. No word from The Man in the Big Yellow Hat.

Maybe he was right. Maybe Saddam let us capture ten thousand soldiers and occupy all of his major cities as part of a master plan we’re just too dim to appreciate. Or maybe it was performance art. Or sarcasm. A huge practical joke…sort of like…conning a movie studio to give you millions of dollars to make a movie about the host of The Gong Show! We’re still waiting for the punchline on that one, George. I have a great title for the next movie you direct: O Audience, Where Art Thou? How about Attendance: Eleven?

George never did explain his reasoning. Our last two visits to Iraq were so easy, Bush considered training for this one by scheduling war games against the Girl Scouts. But Furious George thought it was only a matter of days before the Republican Guard occupied Bel Air, put all the chippies in burqas and confiscated his gigantic stockpile of exotic condoms and acyclovir. Relax, George. Thanks to Tommy Franks, you can get back to your life’s work.
That's just good stuff.
Vin Diesel.

Best single-sentence review of "A Man Apart": Even the fisticuffs make no sense.

4/17/2003

Sauce for the goose.

Tim Robbins on Tuesday:
"Any instance of intimidation to free speech should be battled against. Any acquiescence to intimidation at this point will only lead to more intimidation."
[Link via Midwest Conservative Journal.]

Tim Robbins to a reporter at the Oscars:
"If you ever write about my family again, I will (expletive) find you and I will (expletive) hurt you."

Freedom of the Press is apparently secondary to Tim's Freedom to Run His Yap Without Consequence.
Jamie Kennedy

I'd rate him about a 95 on the Tom Green scale of Unfunny.

(Getting really tired of the trailers for Malibu's Most Wanted.)
Boycott of French goods is having an effect.

According to this article in the Washington Post, the French are starting to feel the sting of the American backlash against French goods, at least in certain areas, notably wine imports.
American importers of French wine are reporting sharp drops in sales in the past two months, and other French products also have been affected. The Federation of Wine Exporters has called a meeting Thursday to discuss how to respond.

The nation's principal business federation took the unusual step of publicly acknowledging the problem, conceding today that sales, recruitment and business contacts have been hurt. It appealed to consumers and businesses to keep political differences from affecting commerce.

"Certain French enterprises are suffering today from the differences that have arisen among states over the Iraqi question," the Movement of French Enterprises (Medef) said. "It is necessary to say to those who are unhappy with the positions of French diplomacy that they are free to criticize, but they must keep products and services of our enterprises outside their quarrel."
Maybe that's a bad translation, but it sounds suspiciously like Medef thinks the US public is in some way obligated to keep French business interests above the political fray. Sorry, boys, that's not the way things work over here. Skipping to the end:
The importers, angry and frustrated, said the government in Paris did not comprehend the effect of its war position on French businesses.

Touton [wine importer] has tried to fight the trend by pledging to give $1 for every case of wine he sells to the USO to help U.S. troops in Iraq. He has done it for two weeks but it hasn't helped much. He said he thinks that business will pick up only when Chirac stops making anti-U.S. statements.

"We want to send the message to the French side to please do something. Or, if you don't want to do anything, then please shut up," Touton said.
Sensible message. If only it had been delivered earlier.

[Link via Dean Esmay.]

4/16/2003

Solely of interest to Mets fans.

An overview of the next few months of posting on alt.sports.baseball.ny-mets. It's funny, in that painful Metsochistic way.

4/15/2003

Writing for the Weekly World News has to be one of the great jobs out there.

Because there's absolutely nothing they won't publish. Shocking expose: Saddam starred in gay porn films! Replete with excellent spokesman quotes and a nom de...er...cine that cries out to be as widely circulated as possible.

[Link via this comment on LGF.]
Ridiculous.

Comments have been down for two days, and the backBlog page is inaccessible--oh, but they've got the server with the icon up. I need a better comment system.

4/14/2003

I love this story.

Mark Steyn profiles George Bush, and paraphrases a recent NYT snippet that, as he says, ought to be true if it isn't:
Last week, The New York Times reported on the President's reaction to Don Rumsfeld's daily press conference. As the Times tells it, a Bush aide stepped into the Oval Office to warn him that "the unpredictable Defence Secretary" had just threatened Syria. The President looked up from his desk. "Good," he said. Then he went back to work.
Bwahaha. The rest is Steyn making the case for Bush's IQ in typically entertaining fashion. Check it out.
Evil, evil Yankees.

Remember, cheaters never prosper. Unless Steinbrenner owns them.

[Thanks to CoffeeMuse for the link.]
Re the histrionics over the museum looting.

Sorry, I can't bring myself to get misty-eyed. Not one single tear, not one tremor to my lower lip over all the priceless antiquities. Sure, it sucks. Looting sucks, generally. But to blame the looting on the US is infantile and frankly weird. The people of Iraq are the ones who sacked their own cultural history, not the Americans and British; let them fucking worry about putting it back in the museums. And if you cry harder over a the loss of a vase or a bauble or a cuneiform text than you do over the degradation and loss of human life, fuck you. And may God have mercy on your shallow soul.

[Link via Michele at A Small Victory. Only she said it more eloquently than I do.]

Update (via the Command Post): US 'will repair' Iraqi heritage. Now can we let this go and find something new to bitch about? Please?
Russia still run by idiots.

"We do not think that America won," said Dmitry Rogozin, the head of the lower house of parliament’s foreign affairs committee, told Rossia television.
The Iraqis are of a slightly different opinion, Baghdad Bob notwithstanding.
"Where are those chemical weapons?" he demanded. And Putin’s media aide, Sergei Yastrzhembsky, told Kommersant that Russia would not forgive the Iraqi debt. "(Washington) should not be so generous at other people’s expense," he said.
Look, you made deals with a regime you knew the US was going to try to topple. You bet against us, you lose. As my procedure prof. used to say, "Too bad, it is so sad, but you cannot collect for that."

[Link via the Corner.]
Newsflash: International relief agencies largely comprised of whiney bitches.

Relief agencies refuse to work with US
Aid agencies are refusing to work with the administration being set up by the Americans in southern Iraq and some are accusing the US of deliberately undermining the UN's role in post-war relief.

Tensions are growing between international aid groups and the Americans. Several are turning down their aid grants.

As British aid workers waited for security clearance to enter Iraq, there were concerns that looting and crime in towns held by the British and Americans would undermine their operation and endanger staff. The UN aid mission for Iraq said coalition forces had a duty under international law to maintain a safe environment for civilians and health workers. Widespread disorder could hamper their efforts in Baghdad and Basra, said a spokesman.
First, there's still pockets of "war" going on. Second, the UN is made up largely of pussies who wouldn't do jackshit to stop any violence toward aid workers. Third, seems to me if you were actually concerned with people's welfare, you'd worry more about logistics and materiel and a fuck of a lot less about who got the goddamned credit.
In the south the Americans say humanitarian assistance is high on the agenda of the interim administration, being set up in Umm Qasr under Jay Garner, the retired US General. The team will co-ordinate relief, rebuild infrastructure and start setting up a "democratic" government.

But some relief agencies suspect that while it is not safe for them to work in Iraq the US is stealthily carving its own role as administrator, overseer and grant provider.
The US is doing nothing stealthily. We've been pretty clear about taking the lead role in reconstruction from the outset; if you're surprised that we meant what we said, you haven't been paying attention.
Many are refusing to touch money offered by Gen Garner's Organisation for Humanitarian Aid and Reconstruction and several aid agencies walked out of an OHAR meeting this week.

Alistair Dutton, emergency officer for Cafod, the British agency, said the setting up of OHAR was an attempt to take control. "We fully expect to go to work in Iraq under the UN, but that is not the message coming from Jay Garner."

Tensions between the US and independent agencies could hinder the efficiency of an aid operation in Iraq. "There are going to be enormous problems about organisation with a US military-run country and aid agencies that don't want to work with the military," said a relief worker in Kuwait. Several groups hope to move into towns and cities within three days.
Good God. Look, you can't have it both ways; if the US has an obligation to maintain law and order, you have to work with the military. Better yet, just stay the fuck out of the way. The last thing the military needs to take on right now is the task of babysitting a bunch of socialist agitators.

[Link via Winds of Change, from an article about how well the rebuilding efforts are doing in Afghanistan.]

4/11/2003

Blix feeling froggy.

First thing I saw on the Corner this morning: Hans Blix accuses US of planning the war. You know, it isn't often you find such big nuggets of pure leftist stupidity littering the landscape like they have since the war started, but this is a particularly big one.
The invasion of Iraq was planned a long time in advance, and the United States and Britain are not primarily concerned with finding any banned weapons of mass destruction, the chief UN weapons inspector, Hans Blix, said in an interview on Wednesday.
I believe that probably falls under the heading of "no shit". The primary job of the US is to topple the regime; it was your fucking job to find the weapons, and you failed. Twice.
"There is evidence that this war was planned well in advance. Sometimes this raises doubts about their attitude to the (weapons) inspections," Blix told Spanish daily El Pais.
How preciously phrased. There was also some evidence that someone inside UNMOVIC was helping the Iraqis figure out where you were going to be looking for WMDs as well, Hans. And sometimes, I confess, that raised doubts about your attitude to the inspections as well.
"I now believe that finding weapons of mass destruction has been relegated, I would say, to fourth place, which is why the United States and Britain are now waging war on Iraq.

Today the main aim is to change the dictatorial regime of Saddam Hussein," he said, according to the Spanish text of the interview.
With cheese! But you've confused cause and effect; that's not why the US is waging war with Iraq, the war is why the Easter egg hunt has been relegated to fourth or fifth place on the list of priorities.
Blix said US President George W Bush had told him in October 2002 that he backed the UN's work to verify US and British claims that Baghdad was developing biological, chemical and nuclear weapons.
And I'm sure at the time he did. And then you guys screwed around and hemmed and hawed and made it perfectly obvious that your main objective was merely to draw out the process long enough to hamper any pre-emptive action on the part of the US--not to actually find any WMDs.
But he said he knew at the time "there were people within the Bush administration who were sceptical and who were working on engineering regime change". By the start of March the hawks in both Washington and London were getting impatient, he added.

Blix said that he thought the US might initially have believed Iraq possessed weapons of mass destruction - although its "fabrication" of evidence raised doubts about even that - but that Washington was now less convinced by its own claims.

"I think the Americans started the war thinking there were some. I think they now believe less in that possibility.
Wrong. Speaking solely for my American self, I certainly believe there at least were some in country until you dicked around long enough for most of them to be moved out for safekeeping elsewhere.
But I don't know - you ask yourself a lot of questions when you see the things they did to try and demonstrate that the Iraqis had nuclear weapons, like the fake contract with Niger," he explained.
That's quite an accusation, particularly coming from a guy who as recently as February indicated that the Iraqi government was not cooperating with his own inspections.
That was a reference to US allegations - later denied - that Iraq had sought to purchase uranium from the west African state of Niger.

"I'm very curious to see if they do find any (weapons)," he said.
Yeah, I'll bet you are.
Blix said the war, which on Wednesday entered its 21st day, was "a very high price to pay in terms of human lives and the destruction of a country" when the threat of weapons proliferation could have been contained by UN inspections.
But it couldn't have been. It wasn't. Your inspections were a crude farce straight out of the commedia dell'arte.
By attacking Iraq, Washington had sent the wrong message - that if a country did not possess biological, chemical or nuclear weapons, it risked being attacked.
I'm pretty sure the message sent--and received--was that the US is not going to dick around endlessly like the UN is inclined to do.
"The United States maintains that the war on Iraq is designed to send a signal to other countries to keep away from weapons of mass destruction.

But people are getting a different message.

Take the announcement North Korea has just made. It's tantamount to saying 'if you let in the inspectors, like Iraq did, you get attacked'.
No, it's more like saying 'if you let in the inspectors and then screw with the inspections process, you get attacked.'
North Korea accused the United States on Sunday of using a UN Security Council discussion of its nuclear programme as a "prelude to war" and warned that it would fully mobilise and strengthen its forces.
North Korea is starving. It would be foolish to underestimate an enemy, but I have difficulty taking their military threats at face value when they can't even feed the army.
"It's an important problem," Blix continued.

"If a country perceives that its security is guaranteed, it won't need to consider weapons of mass destruction. This security guarantee is the first line of defence against the proliferation of weapons of mass destruction."
Again, this assumes that all countries are run by reasonable men, which is manifestly a false premise.
The 74-year-old Swede announced in March that he would step down from his post when his contract runs out in June.
Big of him.
Blix's reputation for independence and resisting political pressure was sorely tested as the Iraq crisis unfolded and US officials became exasperated with his measured reports on Iraqi cooperation with his inspection teams.
And his credibility was shredded in the process, imo.

4/09/2003

"Why should the war influence a bunch of books about grown men and women who jump around in their underwear and punch people?"

Kevin Parrott posts a long and interesting dissection of a Comicgate article about the comics industry and the war in Iraq. Even if you're not particularly interested in comics (and I haven't been since the late 70s), this is pure gold and funny as hell.

4/08/2003

The language of war.

Interesting Slate article on the possible linguistic contributions of Gulf War II to the English language. [Thanks to Paula for the link.]
I wouldn't have believed it.

Colin Powell is capable of givng snarkmeister Rumsfeld a run for his money in dealing with the European assumption of moral superiority.
Memo to Al Jazeera: you're not important enough to target.

Unless someone behind you is shooting at our guys, of course. Meanwhile, in Jordan:
Dozens of Jordanian journalists staged a sit-in outside the Jordan Press Association in Amman, chanting anti-American slogans and calling for an end to the "massacres of journalists and civilians" in Iraq.
[Link via the Corner.] Since when is two journalists a "massacre"?

Btw, later tonight I'll be staging a sit-in in my living room, chanting pro-American slogans and celebrating the judicious use of US military force. I expect the event to be at least as influential on the conduct of the war as the proceedings in Jordan.

4/07/2003

I'm no fan of Oasis...

...but Liam Gallagher's tirade about Chris Martin is just f***in' funny.
“That lot are just a bunch of nobhead students — Chris Martin looks like a f***in’ geography teacher. What’s all that f***in’ s*** with writing messages about Free Trade on his hand when he’s playing. If he wants to write things down I’ll give him a f***in’ pen and a pad of paper. Bunch of students."
Bwahaha.
Further Corner perusal...

...brings up an article along the lines of the semi-popular "let's stop bashing the French" bleat, this time under the guise that it's "evil" to hold the French accountable for having surrendered to the Germans:
Obviously, in 1995, "cheese-eatin' surrender monkeys" was funny for different reasons; it was absurd to think anyone - 50 years after World War II - holds a nation accountable for exercising a basic instinct of survival.

"(It's) a tad unfair, if you look at what the French were faced with," said Dr. Gael Graham, associate history professor at Western Carolina University.
Western Carolina?
The French surrendered in World War II rather than face state-of-the-art, seemingly unbeatable German tanks.
They could have easily stopped Germany from illegally reoccupying the Rhineland in 1936, when they were much the superior force, simply by announcing their intention to oppose Hitler, and they chose not to bother, then capitulated in record time in 1940. The hell with them.
"There's a sense in this country that we saved the French," Graham added. "We didn't do it alone, and we didn't mostly do it."
Sorry, Gael, your grasp of WWII history seems even tetchier than mine.
And aren't we presently telling Iraqis that surrender is a good thing, even admirable in the face of state-of-the-art, seemingly unbeatable coalition forces?
Yes. But we outclass the Iraqis militarily by a damn sight more than the Germans outclassed the French--nor are we seeking lebensraum from them.
The French, if anything, are cheese-eatin' noncompliance monkeys.

Can we at least agree France should be further down on our bashing list, behind al-Qaida, Iraq, Iowa, large-market sports franchises and Germany?
No. We can't. And you can stuff your can't-we-all-just-get-along tripe right up your ass.

File this under "cry me a river."

Police breaking out the rubber bullets on the protesters in Oakland.
Several people were injured, including some who suffered large bruises. One man lifted up his shirt to show a welt about the size of a baseball.
[Link via the Corner.] Good thing Russell declined.
2-minute trailer for "Pirates of the Caribbean".

Because I like pirate movies. (No, not "Cutthroat Island".) The trailer on the official site looks great, the one at upcomingmovies.com looks like crap on my system.
Life is just more enjoyable when you have a juvenile of humor.

Bill McCabe's revised map of France.
Because I love parody.

I present the genius of Ian Hamet at Banana Oil, re the Brain-Terminal NYC protester video (ample linkage provided in the material.) [Paula, this one's just for you.]